Table of Contents A Deconstruction of Popular Romantasy / 1 Introduction / 1 Female Agency in Romantasy / 2 Character Archetypes in Romantasy / 5 Romantasy Relationships Beyond the Romance / 8 Blending Fantasy and Romance / 11 Conclusion / 13 Works Cited / 15 Dandelion Throne: An Excerpt / 17 Patno 1 Paige Patno Siân Griffiths MENG 6950 30 July 2024 A Deconstruction of Popular Romantasy Introduction When I decided to write a fantasy romance (or romantasy) novel, I knew it would be important to focus on what makes this novel different from others in the genre. In today’s leisure reading climate, there is a plethora of content available to consumers, usually in the form of accessible and self-published titles. With the oversaturation of publications in the genre, Dandelion Throne has required that I be vigilant of my content to ensure I’m contributing something new to the genre. There are several common practices in fantasy writing I want to challenge in Dandelion Throne, so I selected several touchstone pieces to draw inspiration from and/or challenge when outlining and writing the novel. As a writer, it is important to pay attention to what books are popular in the genre I am writing. Because of this, I wanted to use Sarah J. Maas’ A Court of Thorns and Roses series (or ACOTAR) as one of my touchstones. I enjoy reading these novels, but I also find glaring issues in the content that I wanted to challenge in Dandelion Throne. I also decided to use Erika Johansen’s Queen of the Tearling trilogy as another touchstone because her protagonist is well-developed, well-written, and would serve me well for inspiration writing a royal character. Johansen’s series manages to be both politically charged and accessible reading. I admire the protagonist’s keen skills in politics and diplomacy and thought it would serve me well when it came to writing about my protagonist's place on the throne. My project is Patno 2 not a political fantasy, but with my protagonist being in a royal role, I want to be competent at writing political undertones and subplots to make her place on the throne believable. A source book I didn’t expect when beginning my work with Dandelion Throne was the new Emily Henry novel, Funny Story, which is the first Henry book I’ve read that focuses on both romance and friendship. I already knew I wanted to focus on friendship in my novel, as it is often overlooked in fantasy romance, and Funny Story became another touchstone novel for Dandelion Throne for its excellent balance between the protagonist’s romance and development of new friendships. Using these touchstone pieces, I decided to focus on three aspects of Dandelion Throne that were present in the excerpt I wrote for my thesis. These are women’s agency (particularly when it comes to a female protagonist), character archetypes (particularly the strong female character), and non-romantic relationships/female friendship. Female Agency in Romantasy I find that many romantasy novels I’ve read follow female protagonists that lack true autonomy over their lives. While classic high fantasy from authors like J.R.R. Tolkein or George R.R. Martin is traditionally popular among male audiences, authors of romantasy like Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros write new adult novels that have a target audience of young women ages 18-25 (Stephen 2021) but are often also picked up by younger audiences. Lack of agency in romantasy is concerning considering its audience, since romance literature is often used by readers to set personal standards for relationships. Being unable to make decisions for one’s own life to find love shouldn’t be considered romantic or desirable. ACOTAR is an example of writing women with a lack of agency. The focal romances indicate the level of agency the protagonist can exercise throughout the series. Regarding the Patno 3 dynamic between Feyre’s love interest and her agency, Elizabeth Little and Kristine Moruzi state that Feyre’s romantic relationships are “situated in complex– and uneven– relations of power” (Little 81). There is a precarious balance of power to be struck when writing relationships, especially those between young humans and long-living Fae. To counter this, I decided to write Aster’s character as never having been human and to only give her the impression that she was. Cyril is also young for Fae, acting as an older brother figure to Orven to negate the power imbalance between a magical man who is 100+ years old and his young, human love interest. Aside from the romance, Feyre begins the ACOTAR series living in a decrepit cottage in a poor village and is given the choice of dying or going to Prythian (Maas’ Fae lands) in exchange for the life of a Faerie she killed (Maas 2015, 35-38). There isn’t much agency in a decision like Feyre’s where she is forced to choose between life and death. Along with Maas’ ACOTAR series, there are many other romantasy novels in which the woman protagonist is forced to leave her homeland and go to the realm of the Fae/Elves/etc. Whether it be deals made with magical kings or the consequence of actions by the protagonist, the leading lady is often forced into life within a magic realm, cutting off her autonomy from the beginning of the novel. I have started several novels that have begun this way and could only finish a few chapters because of the glaring lack of autonomy. Originally, Aster was also a protagonist who came to the Fae realm at their will instead of hers. More specifically (and problematically), her love interest kidnapped her. I wrote the original version of the story in this way because it’s not unusual for romantasy novels to play out this way. Eventually, I decided to change the trajectory of Aster’s way into Faethyre because I didn’t need to conform to romantasy norms like kidnapping and forceful migration to magic realms. Patno 4 In studying these texts, I saw an opportunity to redirect women’s agency in romantasy. There was no reason that Aster couldn’t go to the Fae realm of her own accord. In fact, she had very little in the human village but her family, so it was more realistic that she’d leave willingly. This set a new precedent for the novel and Aster’s autonomy that has carried into the rest of Dandelion Throne. Because Aster left her human life willingly and has the agency to leave at any time, she constantly thinks about what she wants and what choices she could make for herself and the country she leads. This added unexpected complexity to her character since she doesn’t follow the formula of the forced captive where all she focuses on is escaping. Instead, she focuses on what comes next at her own will. To focus on Aster’s agency, I wrote a conversation between her and Corynthe about her brother who chose to remain in the human realm. Because I wanted to give Aster freedom to make her own decisions, she spends a lot of time reflecting on the choices she makes. I’ve used her brother’s decision to stay behind as a tool to contrast what her life was vs. what she’s trying to make of it throughout Dandelion Throne. The most important thing to me in a protagonist for young audiences is creating a role model, so one of my priorities is advocating for a woman’s autonomy through Aster’s character. Throughout Dandelion Throne, one of Aster’s most limiting characteristics is that she’s used to her life being chosen for her, which makes it difficult for her to learn to exercise her own autonomy. As a human, she worked for the family business out of necessity and human marriages are arranged, so she was never taught how to make big life decisions for herself. I wanted to highlight this aspect of her character through the central conflict of this section of the novel, which is Orven’s infidelity. Patno 5 In Aster’s human realm, she was brought up in a household with parents whose marriage was arranged but was still loving. She also fell in love at a young age and was told marriage was not necessary when there was love, only for her to be left by the man she was in love with. In this setting, Aster was taught that marriage was a tether between life partners that prevents the abandonment she has experienced. At this point in the novel, I wanted to parallel marriage in her upbringing with her human learned habit of letting others tell her what to do. As she begins to break down why she still holds fast to the beliefs she developed in the human realm, she’ll get more comfortable with her ability to make her own decisions. I wanted to show the beginnings of this in the thesis, so I included the scene between Aster and Cyril on pages 50-53. Though Cyril knows she still needs more time to process and build her own beliefs, I wanted her attempt at intimacy with him to show that she’s willing to grow when it comes to exercising her own agency. Character Archetypes in Romantasy Regarding strong women characters in romantasy, it’s common to find that protagonists find inner strength through training with physical strength. While I love the progress that comes from romantasy women wielding physical power and embracing activities that are traditionally masculine, I think that the genre has become oversaturated with strong warrior types. Examples of this include Nesta in A Court of Silver Flames (Maas 2021), Celaena from the Throne of Glass series (Maas 2014), Violet from Fourth Wing (Yarros 2023), and Oraya from The Serpent and the Wings of Night (Broadbent 2022). The presence of the combat-centered woman in romantasy is not an issue with the genre, but I find that the lack of other female character archetypes results in less representation of other personalities in romantasy. Patno 6 Another issue I have with the blueprint warrior protagonist is that with further analysis, the only thing that makes a female character worthy of having her story told is the masculine interest of physical training and fighting. This means that femininity in the traditional sense can be seen as weak and that a woman character can only be taken seriously as “one of the boys.” This can also make it difficult for readers to relate to protagonists if they are more traditionally feminine or do not have interest in martial arts, sword fighting, or other forms of hardcore fitness. I used several of the women from HBO’s Game of Thrones as inspiration for Aster’s strength since there are several women in the series who have strengths that do not include warrior training. I see Aster as a maternal person like Catelyn Stark with her children and as a strong leader in her own right like Sansa Stark. Game of Thrones is a much more traditional fantasy which has many well-rounded female characters. I think drawing inspiration from classic fantasy like Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings would serve the romantasy genre well. Game of Thrones has so many women with different personalities; there are the aforementioned Stark women, Daenerys, a fierce dragon rider, and Arya, the battlefield woman archetype. Such diversity would improve the romantasy genre immensely. I developed Aster’s character as a deviation from the common personalities of popular romantasy. I used Queen of the Tearling as a starting point because the protagonist was written to deviate from standard tropes that follow main characters who are women, as stated in an interview with the author where Johansen said “It's much tougher to find a book about a heroine who doesn't make heads turn, who must convince the world of her value based on her actions, not her looks. This is a value system we should be encouraging, and a plain heroine with serious problems interests me much more than a beautiful girl whose biggest problem is having two men Patno 7 fighting over her” and that “Real women have real problems” (Gallucci 2014). Johansen’s process for building a protagonist with complexity beyond what she looks like and who vies for her attention resonates with my own writing. Women’s stories deserve to be told beyond the men they love, even if they are fictional. Outside of the deviation from traditional romance, Kelsea is also limited by her few skills in combat: “‘I can defend myself against a single attacker with my knife. But I know little of swords.’ And, Kelsea realized suddenly, she had been trained in self-defense by Barty, whose reflexes were not those of a young man. ‘I’m no fighter’” (Johansen 31). Further, when Kelsea requests training in swordfighting, she’s told it’s “not queenly” (Johansen 229). When she does have a lesson, she finds herself unable to wield a larger weapon than a knife (Johansen 249-51). Kelsea does not fight not because she does not want to, but because she is physically incapable despite her efforts. Though Kelsea never does learn to wield a sword, she is still portrayed as a strong and powerful queen throughout the trilogy. Kelsea requested training because she thought it necessary, proclaiming that she could not be queenly if she was dead (Johansen 230), but Kelsea also knew she was the heir to the throne and was raised to be a queen by her foster parents. When it came to writing Aster’s character, I decided she would likely have no desire to learn combat. Aster was dropped into her role quickly and with no preparation, so I thought it would be unrealistic for her to consider combat to be something she must learn. I also do not think combat skill suits Aster’s character when she does attempt to fight at the insistence of her military general and I included that characterization on pages 44-45. Patno 8 In Maas’ ACOTAR series, Feyre embraces her femininity but often at the cost of her agency and freedom, her strength “accompanied by stereotypically feminine characteristics that align with patriarchal systems of power and promote the removal of female agency” (Little 81) as she “remains stereotypically feminine in her desire to remain protected by a powerful man” (Little 87). When developing Aster’s character, I wanted her to retain her strength and agency while still remaining true to her femininity without having to sacrifice her freedom the way Feyre does. There are several aspects of Aster’s character that I put a lot of thought into regarding her femininity. She is a baker, though not by choice, but she still loves it and baking is the first thing she does to ease her thoughts when stressed which I included on pages 37-39. Baking is traditionally seen as feminine and frequently associated with homemaking. She’s also emotional, which is often seen as a weak trait. There are several scenes in the excerpt of Dandelion Throne where Aster gets emotional. She uses her empathy and emotions to drive her to do what she thinks is right, which is a strength of hers I wanted to begin exploring in the introductory scene post-public court on pages 17-18. Romantasy Relationships Beyond the Romance Another aspect of romantasy I wanted to address in Dandelion Throne was the lack of friendships outside the main romance in popular novels. In both Queen of the Tearling and A Court of Thorns and Roses, there is very little development of friendships. Kelsea is so focused on building a broken country that the only companions she has are her guards and the plot has very little romance (Johansen 2014). A Court of Thorns and Roses’ protagonist, Feyre, only has friends who were friends with her love interest first (Maas 2017). It could be argued that she is Patno 9 friends with Lucien, but even he was friends with the first love interest of the series before she settled in with the end game love interest (Maas 2015). The fifth installment of the ACOTAR series, A Court of Silver Flames, is a good example of friendships developed beyond the love interest, but it is concerning that it took so many books in one series for a protagonist to develop friendships outside of the love interest. Even in A Court of Silver Flames, Nesta is only introduced to her friends through tasks she was forced into by the protagonists of the previous books in the series (Maas 2021). I wanted Aster to have valuable relationships outside of the romance in Dandelion Throne and I wanted her to find her friends on her own, without outside forces nudging her toward them. For this aspect of the novel, I used Funny Story to draw inspiration. One of the biggest plot points in Funny Story is that the protagonist’s only friends were shared with her previous relationship, which ended suddenly, leaving her lonely in the aftermath because they were not her friends first. Upon reflection of her past relationship, the protagonist narrates that “For three years I’ve been… working tirelessly to befriend his friends and impress his family… I’m not sure what parts of me are him and and which parts are generally my own” (Henry 94-95). Throughout Funny Story, the protagonist emphasizes in her narration how important having her own friends becomes as a way of healing from the breakup. The reader then follows her as she develops a friendship with a coworker and their platonic relationship is written to have just as much importance as the romance. I found it important to give Aster friends because she did not have friends in the human realm outside her family and the reason she left the human realm was so she could be happy. Happiness does not just come from romantic relationships– it also comes from friendships and I wanted her to have platonic relationships to round out her life. Making sure Aster has people Patno 10 close to her also ensures that she maintains her individuality and that her character is not reduced to who she becomes romantically involved with. Even though Dandelion Throne is a romance, Aster’s motivations go beyond love. Ultimately, the reason she left her human village was to find more fulfillment in her life on her own terms and I wanted part of that to be her having a support system of friends that she did not have in the human realm. The friendship I focus on in the thesis is between Aster and Corynthe, who is attached to the court as an advisor but otherwise has no connection to Aster’s love interest. Throughout the novel, Corynthe and Cyril are written as colleagues who respect each other but do not have any mutual interests or friendly chemistry. I gave a glimpse of this when Aster and Cyril speak briefly about Corynthe on page 49. When I originally conceptualized the aftermath of Aster discovering Orven’s infidelity, the person who helped her through it was going to be Cyril. I decided to change it because it seemed better for Aster to find support through a friend rather than through someone she has romantic feelings for. Corynthe is able to provide her with a third-party perspective of the situation and support her without any romantic motivation. The same would not be the case if her support had come from Cyril. In the section of the thesis where we see Aster and Corynthe interact the most, I wanted to strike a balance to show both the casual and more serious aspects of their friendship. In Dandelion Throne, Aster is going through several very serious issues as she navigates being in a new environment and taking on a difficult leadership role. I wanted to show how Aster gets support from her friendship with Corynthe when it comes to these issues, but I also wanted to show that the reason people usually become friends is because they have fun. This is why I gave them over a full day away from everyone else from pages 29-46. It allowed me to give Aster and Patno 11 Corynthe the space to talk about the serious issues weighing on Aster while still giving me time to show them having fun baking and drinking. Most importantly, Aster goes home with a much clearer head because she had the support she needed. Blending Fantasy and Romance Working on Dandelion Throne has required that I learn new writing skills when it comes to the craft of creative writing. While I’ve read many fantasy novels, I’ve never attempted to write it myself, so working on this project has provided me with the added challenge of learning to write in a new genre that I’m not as familiar with. Usually, I write short stories and I have several in-progress contemporary romance and fiction novels. I have always wanted to publish a novel, but I fell into more frequent short story writing because they are friendlier in the creative writing classroom. With the common practice of creative writing classes allowing only one meeting to workshop each student, it was easier to submit short stories for classes as an undergraduate student. Short stories are also easier to get published quickly, especially in academic publications like journals and magazines. When moving from short-form writing to novel writing, I started with what I thought would be the hardest part of the transition, which is worldbuilding. Though I have started (but never finished) several longer stories, they have been set on modern Earth with no speculative elements to be found. The new genre has required dedication and exploration in writing both form and craft. By the time I set up the world for Dandelion Throne, there was an entire Fae history and magic system for Mayfolk. To begin familiarizing myself with writing fantasy, I read Writing Fantasy & Science Fiction: How to Create Out-of-This-World Novels and Short Stories by Orson Scott Card, Phillip Patno 12 Athans, and Jay Lake. I focused on the first section of this resource the most, “How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy” by Scott Card, as it provided steps for me as a new fantasy writer. According to Scott Card, one of the most important aspects of writing otherworldly fiction is setting limits to magic and that there should be a sacrifice or exchange for its use (Scott Card 48-50). With this, I set the limitations of magic in each of the races I’ve developed for Dandelion Throne. Magic users in the world I’ve built can perform basic functions without issue because they can use magic in their everyday lives the way they use their hands to complete basic tasks. If someone asks too much of their magic, a price is paid to balance the high use of magic. If magic is used to start a raging fire against an opposing army, a hurricane might start elsewhere to balance the heavy use of fire. If magic is used to bring the dead to life, someone else dies to pay the price. I also looked again at the ACOTAR series when it came to setting limitations on magic. Maas constantly uses the same climactic plot device in her books: killing characters only to bring them back to life almost immediately. This happens in three installments of the series, including the first book (Maas 2015, 403-407). When no major character has died and stayed dead in the ACOTAR series, it makes death hard to take seriously because it constantly gets cheated. This also makes the magic in Prythian far too powerful, as the characters who cheat death do not pay any sort of price for it. There are deaths planned for Dandelion Throne and I have capped the magic’s abilities at reversing death– if someone tries, it might not work, but their life is given in exchange for the attempt regardless of its success. While I have spent countless hours fine-tuning my world and its abilities, not much of it is seen in the thesis for two reasons. The first is that Aster is a recent transplant of the magic realm and was raised human, so she does not use magic as often as others because she does not Patno 13 know how, and if she does gain a skill, she is not used to using it. There are several scenes planned in Dandelion Throne dedicated to teaching her how to use the magic she never knew she had, but she has to consciously work for it because of her unfamiliarity and therefore still operates like a human in her everyday life. The second reason there is not a large emphasis on my worldbuilding in the section I wrote for the thesis is that before beginning the thesis, I spent so much time working out the details of what happened in the history of my world and how it all led to Aster’s story that I realized I left little room to think about Aster’s character. This meant that the most important thing for this project when I began the thesis was developing her personality, so I looked over my outline and chose the section of Dandelion Throne that would put her in some of the most uncomfortable situations she’ll face. By doing this, I was able to work with her character to think about how she would react in situations among her court, with Orven and Cyril, and with her friendships. Conclusion Dandelion Throne is currently a work in progress, so I wanted to choose a section to work on for this thesis that focused on the reasons why I started writing it. Things like women’s agency, identity outside romance, diversity in character archetypes, and platonic friendships are things I consider important to this novel. To give those things the representation they need, Aster has to be a well-rounded character to successfully showcase the importance of these things. I chose to work on this section of Dandelion Throne specifically because it included the most important aspects of her character, which allowed me to build her personality as I worked. Using this thesis to focus on the important aspects of Dandelion Throne includes not just the content in the writing but also the craft. Even though the thesis does not have a large Patno 14 emphasis on the magic and worldbuilding that is present in the rest of the book, it is constantly working in the background and is also used throughout the novel to help Aster along her journey. By utilizing sources in popular literature and researching craft, I was able to further analyze what I wanted to accomplish by writing Dandelion Throne. By thinking about how the fantasy novels I have read made me want to start writing it myself, what about it I wanted to do differently, and utilizing other romance, I was able to pinpoint how each scene contributed to the overarching goals of Dandelion Throne. Patno 15 Works Cited Broadbent, Carissa. The Serpent and the Wings of Night. Carissa Broadbent, 2022. Card, Orson Scott, et al. Writing Fantasy & Science Fiction: How to Create out-of-This-World Novels and Short Stories. Writer’s Digest Books, 2013. Gallucci, Kelly. “‘Tearling’ Author on Censorship and Realistic Heroines.” USA Today, Bookish, 11 July 2014, www.usatoday.com/story/life/books/2014/07/11/erika-johansen-the-queen-of-the-tearling/ 12487215/. Henry, Emily. Funny Story. Berkley, 2024. Johansen, Erika. The Queen of the Tearling. Harper, 2014. Little, Elizabeth, and Kristine Moruzi. “Postfeminism and Sexuality in the Fiction of Sarah J Maas.” Sexuality in Literature for Children and Young Adults, 1st ed., Routledge, 2021, pp. 81–95. Maas, Sarah J. A Court of Silver Flames. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2021. Maas, Sarah J. A Court of Thorns and Roses. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2015. Maas, Sarah J. A Court of Wings and Ruin. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017. Maas, Sarah J. Throne of Glass. Bloomsbury, 2012. Martin, George R.R. Game of Thrones, HBO, 17 Apr. 2011. Patno 16 Stephen, Shaun. “What Is New Adult?” Alumni and Community - University of Queensland, University of Queensland, 15 Oct. 2021, alumni.uq.edu.au/what-new-adult#:~:text=In%20contrast%20with%20Young%20Adult,e ighteen%20to%20twenty%2Dfive). Tolkien, J. R. R. The Lord of the Rings. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2012. Yarros, Rebecca. Fourth Wing. Thorndike Press, a Part of Gale, a Cengage Company, 2024. Patno 17 Dandelion Throne: An Excerpt Holding open court had turned out disastrously. Perhaps it was a mistake, but Aster truly thought that hearing out the people’s concerns would put the royal court in good graces with the country. Better graces at the very least. The court and the crown was so far removed from the very people they were meant to represent and Aster couldn’t bring herself not to try to make a connection with them. Instead, they’d severely underestimated how many people would show, many of whom had traveled a substantial distance to be there. They’d had to use the royal store of pixie dust just to ensure that those who had traveled and remained unheard hadn’t wasted the journey. It had put a noticeable dent in the supply, which made matters worse. Names swam through Aster’s head, though she was unsure which Fae they belonged to. She’d tried to learn the names of those she spoke to, to connect with her people and show that she saw each individual and considered them equals, but she had been unable to keep the names straight. Aster tried to do right by those who she had been able to hear, though Orven and Theren seemed to block her at every turn. They insisted that they could make no promises, but Aster didn’t see why more textiles couldn’t be sent to the southern region to ensure no one froze to death in the winter. The cold was a huge problem in that region, Aster learned, and clothing the children had come as a priority that left many families grieving the loss of parents and elders who succumbed to the season. Aster was appalled at the flippancy the court had with their people’s problems and concerns. Fae were dying needlessly of the cold and the court seemed disinterested in guaranteeing a solution— a solution that Aster knew had to exist. She could barely stand to look at the hope on the face of the people in the room, the progress they saw upon being invited to be Patno 18 heard by the crown directly, only for their faces to fall when they left without solutions or answers to their problems. At the very least, she’d been able to grant emancipation to a young Fae, allowing her to leave her own parents and live with her Seer aunt in Serheim. Aster had only to quietly point out the bruising on her arms to Orven before he sent Hysta to start the paperwork to emancipate her. Aster would carry the relief on the young Fae’s face the rest of her life. She was sure there was a lifetime of difficult decisions and disappointing subjects ahead of her, so she resolved to remember the things she was able to accomplish and not the things she wasn’t. Other cases were more complicated and less easy to manage than the emancipation, such as the land dispute between the Kaely brothers in which their deceased father had left a large lack of specificity in his will. A headache bloomed behind Aster’s eyes as the masses grew restless and rowdy, the whole affair under-planned and over-attended. By the time it was over, Floren was missing from her seat with the court, likely fetching the pixie dust that Aster had requested, and Orven himself had disappeared from his seat next to Aster. The debacle came to an end when raucous panic overtook the room after a young Fae with antlers too big for her own size voiced concerns over an invasion from the west. Theren’s booming voice silenced the crowd, assured them of the safety of Faethyre, and dismissed the people. Aster grimaced at the thought that they would do this again. And again, and again, until their people were satisfied. Aster had begun something they couldn’t take back. If they stopped holding open court now, it would show the people that the crown only cared about looking concerned for the population and they couldn’t afford more distrust from their subjects. Patno 19 Aster stood from her seat, exiting the throne room with Darragh on her heels. The padding of his paws down the hallway and the brush of his fur against her hand soothed her muddled thoughts but did little to ease the physical pounding in her temples. When the doors closed behind her, she stretched her arms upward, her stiff back relieved with the movement. She hadn’t given much thought to her small breakfast that morning, but now her grumbling stomach was making her acutely aware of the consequences of that decision. She’d surely have time before the court became available to debrief the day in a private meeting, so she made her way to the kitchen for something to eat. “Your grace,” one of the kitchen staff said when she entered, stopping her movements just long enough to give her a small bow. “You sent the better part of your breakfast back this morning. Are you ill?” It seemed like a long time since Aster had been asked that question. When she arrived in Faethyre, her meals were huge and she’d never been able to finish them, causing concern from the kitchen that she was sick or wasn’t satisfied with their cooking. After she’d insisted on smaller portions so she didn’t waste as much, the apparent worry had vanished. Leaving most of her food uneaten this morning, though, seemed to make them fret all over again. “It was just nerves,” Aster responded. The Fae woman nodded with understanding. “Can I get anything for you now?” “Something to satiate me until dinner, please,” Aster said. “And fast. There’s still work to do so I’ll eat in the dining room. I won’t have time in my quarters.” “Yes, your grace.” Patno 20 Aster tilted her head forward in thanks before making her way out of the kitchen and down the main hallway of the castle. Her steps slowed as she came upon the study, her Fae hearing amplifying when she noticed Cyril and Orven’s voices. “Do you know how it looks for a king to leave his station before a meeting is adjourned?” Cyril’s voice sounded softly from the room. “Especially when the public is present?” “It’s fine, Cyril. We were almost done.” “It’s not fine,” Cyril snapped. “Your people deserve a present leader. Your wife deserves a king who works alongside her, not a king with a habit of disappearing.” “She’s not my wife,” Orven’s voice sounded. “Not in any way that matters.” “She’s your wife in the only way that matters— you’re welcome to chase and fuck whoever you wish, but Aster is your ruling equal, and she deserves a king who’s committed to his country.” Aster willed the amplification of their voices away, taken aback at the tone of their conversation. She’d never heard Orven and Cyril speak to each other in such a way. Despite their many frustrations toward each other, Orven held his lifelong friend and courtier in the highest regard and Cyril’s usual patience was commendable, though sometimes frustrating. Aster tamped down the soaring sensation at the thought that Cyril’s patience had wavered for her sake. He was surely speaking on behalf of the whole court– everyone was annoyed with Orven’s neglect. Aster carried on to the dining room, shaking the thoughts of Orven with another from her head. He had made a promise and Aster trusted his word. Her food sat waiting at the head of the dining room table– Orven’s seat, technically, but such details didn’t matter when it was only her. She ate quickly, mindful of the time and her long list of tasks to complete, and she was almost finished when the fireplace roared to life. She looked toward the entrance of the room where Patno 21 Cyril stood, the flames lighting his midnight-colored hair into flickers of amber. “Cyril,” she said. “Come in.” He entered the room and sat next to her, the seat cornering the table end where Aster normally sat beside the king. “Did you find out where my husband disappeared to?” Aster asked. Cyril’s eyebrows cinched together tightly, the tan skin of his forehead wrinkling with the movement, and his mouth turned into a hard line. Aster wished she could hear the thoughts behind his expression and concentrated on keeping her face neutral and counted the ridges on the braids in his hair so she wouldn’t lose herself in his charcoal gaze. Referring to Orven as her husband had become an unspoken agreement between them— a reminder of their respective stations within the royal court. It didn’t stop him from being the last thing she thought of as she fell asleep at night, but it did stop her from acting on her desire for him. “Likely wherever Floren disappeared,” Cyril responded. Aster’s silverware dropped from her fingers and clattered on the table, its loud ringing contrasting the crackling flames of the fireplace Cyril had willed to life. What would Orven be doing with Floren? “I thought she left because she was retrieving the pixie dust,” Aster said. Cyril’s brows furrowed. “No, Hysta was sent for it when she went to records for the emancipation,” he said. “You’re welcome to chase and fuck whoever you wish–” “Are you suggesting that Orven and Floren…” Aster started, unwilling to finish her thought out loud. One of Cyril’s eyebrows notched upward in confusion. “Why are you surprised? Do you not know of royal consorts?” Patno 22 “I am very aware of royal consorts,” Aster said. “Corynthe told me. That’s not a marriage where I come from, so Orven and I agreed not to indulge in the practice.” Surprise bloomed on Cyril’s face and Aster stared at him as he thought, only the sound of the crackling fireplace filling the silence. “All this time I thought you didn’t want me,” he finally said. “Is that true? Or do you think of bringing me into your bed when it’s cold and empty like I do?” He leaned in, bracing his forearm against the edge of the table and catching Aster’s gaze– an invitation for her to lay her heart out on a platter for him as he had done for her. She could take the leap right now. He was giving her the perfect opportunity to admit to him what she had felt the night she met him in the human realm, how she fell for him more with each week she spent in the castle. Tell him, a part of her begged as she looked into his dark eyes, his face so close she could reach out a hand and run her thumb along his cheekbone if she wished. A moment of weakness allowed her gaze to flit to his lips for only a moment, her lips parting as she forced herself to focus on the detailed threads of his jacket. She only let herself so near to him in public, dancing in the throne room where her desire to be close to him could be written off as a polite dance between a queen and her advisor. Under the watchful eyes of Orven, the rest of the court, and the nobles of Faethyre so that her temptations could be tamped under the pressure of her public image. She thought the way she felt for him would end in that tavern after learning of her marriage to Orven, but it had only just begun. Fighting herself and what she wanted grew more difficult each day, but the thought that Cyril could leave her just as soon as he could have her stopped the words from leaving her throat. Patno 23 “What I want is of no consequence,” Aster said, willing her eyes not to waver from his and willing them to give nothing away. She had held Cyril at arm’s length since her arrival in Faethyre, but she had never said she didn’t want him. She wanted him immensely, but she wouldn’t admit that to him– even thinking about it made Aster’s skin crawl with guilt. Disappointment marred Cyril’s features, a deep sigh sounding from his nose as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “Your loyalty is commendable, your grace,” he said. “Especially in a loveless union.” “He is my friend,” Aster argued. “But you don’t love him,” Cyril pressed. “I do,” Aster said. “Must you fight for such specificity?” Cyril asked. “You love him as you did when you were children, but you are not in love with him.” “I could be,” Aster replied, searching within herself for her resolve. “I will be.” A long pause passed between the two before Cyril straightened and regarded Aster as she tried not to squirm under his gaze. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, your grace,” he said before he stood from his seat and turned away from her. She watched as he crossed the room, his footsteps sounding loudly against the floor as the distance stretched between them. When he was gone, Aster looked at the only thing within the still room that might catch her attention— the fire he’d started when he had come in. ### The higher the moon rose, the more frustrated Aster became. The conversation she’d overheard between Orven and Cyril and her own exchange with the advisor running through her head with no sign of stopping. She was haunted by images of Orven with a faceless woman, Patno 24 entangled in his rich red bedding to the point that she couldn’t tell whose limbs belonged to whom. She imagined an unfamiliar feminine giggle behind his closed door followed by his deep, familiar laugh. She imagined him and the faceless woman asleep in his bed, lit only by a bright full moon beaming through his open window where anyone might see him with someone who wasn’t his wife. Aster had done everything she could think of to try to quiet her mind and go to sleep— she’d read by the moonlight and procured a sleeping tea from the kitchen, which she was rather impressed at herself for achieving considering how distracted she was. She’d even penned a letter to Thomas, though she had long given up on trying to reach him. She was sure he received all her letters, but he didn’t answer any of them. She couldn’t blame him– her betrayal in leaving him to care for their family ran deep and she wasn’t sure she would give him any grace if the roles were reversed. A walk will do me good, she decided, tired of the physical restlessness that accompanied her racing thoughts. This late in the night, there was no solution she hadn’t tried but to move since staying still had done nothing. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and padded to her wardrobe, wrapping her dressing gown around herself. “Stay here,” she said to Darragh when he stirred from his sleep, then opened her door and ventured into the corridor. She had every intention of going to the kitchen as she normally did during her sleepless nights, but gnawing insecurity drove her to change her course and walk in the direction of Orven’s bedroom. As Aster approached the large wood doors to the king’s suite, she allowed her hearing to amplify naturally but heard nothing. Of course, she thought. She wasn’t sure what she expected Patno 25 to hear during such a late hour. Still, Aster had a nagging feeling that she knew would persist if she didn’t investigate further. Aster didn’t recognize herself most days. Not just with the physical changes that had taken place when her glamour was removed, but she felt so far from the baker girl in the village who would never invade a friend’s privacy by waltzing into their private quarters in the middle of the night. Yet here she was, turning the handle to the large doors that separated her from her husband. Orven’s quarters were dark, but the light of the full moon guided her past the entry where chaises and chairs sat and into the bedroom where she heard the rustling of bedding as she stopped in the doorway. The sound of shifting blankets came from Orven, who shot up in bed at the sound of Aster entering. She froze in place, a magic bind clamping around her ankles and wrists, preventing the use of her own magic or further movement into the bedroom. The binds didn’t stop her roaming eyes, which first took in a confused and tired-looking Orven sitting up in bed. Then, her gaze followed his arm to his right, where he had a protective hand held between his perceived threat and Floren, her bare back peeking out of the bedding where she slept soundly. “Aster?” Orven asked, the magic binding releasing as soon as he realized who stood in front of him. He took in the sight of Aster in his doorway, then his gaze slid to Floren, who stirred in her sleep. When she settled without waking, his eyes flicked back to Aster. “Aster, I—” Aster held her hand up, cutting him off. “Don’t,” she said, turning on her heel and hurrying out of his chambers. Patno 26 Aster’s heart felt like a heavy stone in her chest as she made her way down the corridor toward her own quarters. I tried so hard, she thought ruefully. I wanted to love him. Did he even try at all? Hours ago Cyril had given her the chance to act on her feelings for him and she had thrown it away. She had been cowardly, afraid Cyril would leave without the vows of partnership she had unknowingly given someone else. Did that matter when Orven had gone back on his word to her? The word he’d given her not in marriage, but because she had asked it of him when the idea of taking royal consorts sent ice through her veins. The word he’d given to her as her husband and as her friend. She’d done everything she could think of to fight for him despite the growing worry that he hadn’t sparked her interest the way Cyril had. She covered for him when he was missing and no one knew where he was, accompanied him to pockets of Faethyre on business, and kept him company whenever he asked, all for the hope that it would turn into something. Why was she not enough for him? Why was she never enough for anyone? You could have been enough for Cyril. Aster shook the thought from her head violently, a frustrated yell bubbling from her throat as she crossed her arms and closed in on herself. If she let herself, even for a moment, entertain the thought of running to Cyril with her tail between her legs, would he still have her? She had meant to leave their conversation with finality and she hated the thought that she might have succeeded. She hated more that she hoped she’d failed– just because Orven didn’t know loyalty didn’t mean she could throw hers to the wind. Doesn’t it? Patno 27 Aster brushed away the thought as she burst into her own chambers, the doors loud at the force at which she had opened them. Darragh was waiting for her just inside, his head tilting curiously as she appeared through the doorway. She sank to her knees and beckoned him to her, wrapping her arms around him as he approached. He sniffed at her shoulder as she ran her hand down his pelt, the feeling of the soft fur soothing her, though it did nothing to stop the emotions storming through her head and body. “Aster.” Aster startled and looked up from Darragh to see Corynthe, who sat on one of the plush chairs in her lounge. “Corynthe?” Aster asked, standing. Darragh circled behind her and sat obediently at her side. “What are you doing here?” “I couldn’t sleep,” she said. “And I knew you’d need me.” Aster’s face crumpled and Corynthe was standing in an instant to cross the room and envelop her in a hug. “What happened?” Corynthe asked. “I went to Orven’s room,” Aster said through the tears streaming down her face, her voice a broken whisper. “He was with Floren.” Corynthe sighed deeply. “I thought something like this might happen,” she said. A long pause passed between the two as Aster hugged her friend, as though she could channel her emotions out of herself with the pressure she felt through the force in her embrace. Being in the castle had become too much for Aster to bear. She had hardly stepped out of the stone walls in her time in Faethyre, and when she did she was with Orven or Cyril or some courtier for royal purposes. She had to leave, had to distance herself from the court and the walls that reminded her constantly of the crushing, overbearing weight of her responsibilities. “I don’t want to be here,” Aster said. Patno 28 “Then we’ll go,” Corynthe replied without hesitation, pushing Aster lightly backward. “Sit. I’ll pack you a few things.” Aster sunk into the nearest cushion, a chaise by the doorway. The stone walls of the castle seemed to close in on her every minute of every day, the crushing weight of her responsibilities bogging down her mind and body. Now she was sure she would break under the pressure if she stayed any longer. She never thought she could feel so trapped in such a big space, especially when it had felt so freeing after a lifetime of sharing a tiny bedroom with her sister, but her small family house had certainty. She always knew what would come next, but not knowing the course of her actions now became terrifying instead of liberating. She knew it would be ill advised to leave the castle now, especially after how terribly the day had gone. She couldn’t bring herself to care that in the morning, when the castle found her gone, everyone would assume she left because of her own failures in court. Orven could pick up the pieces of her absence the way she’d done for him countless times before– especially when he would know the true reason behind why she’d left. Aster had no idea where Corynthe planned on taking her when they both lived in the castle, but all that mattered was that she’d be away from Orven, away from Cyril, and away from the pressures that she knew would one day break her. Today would not be that day. When ready to leave, Aster and Corynthe walked through the silent, empty halls of the royal estate, Darragh’s clawed footsteps clicking quietly on the stone behind them. Aster and Corynthe also stayed quiet, their footsteps soft so as not to wake other residents. They made their way to the stables, where Corynthe readied her horse with fast and practiced precision. “Do I need my horse?” Aster asked. Patno 29 Corynthe shook her head. “We’re going far enough that walking isn’t comfortable, but near enough that Seamus shouldn’t have much trouble.” Aster could see now why Corynthe had packed light for her; though the Seer’s trusted steed was large, the less weight put on him the better. After buckling and tightening the flank cinch on Seamus’ saddle, placing the bridle carefully over his head, and checking once more that everything was secure, Corynthe swung herself onto him gracefully, settling into the saddle with ease. “Up you come,” Corynthe said, reaching down to help Aster climb the horse behind her before kicking into motion. The ride truly wasn’t far, Aster realized as they slowed in front of a modest cottage outlined in the darkness. The land seemed flat and nondescript and Aster could make out little of her surroundings outside the house. “Where are we?” Aster asked. “I bought this house with my first payment as a royal advisor,” Corynthe explained as Aster dismounted the horse. “I wanted to have somewhere I could go to remember that the castle isn’t all that I am.” As Corynthe dismounted the horse herself, Aster looked again at the outline of the house. “How often are you here?” Corynthe shrugged. “Often enough. I’m known to disappear for a few weeks in the summers, but I haven’t had much time to get away with Orven’s return to Faethyre.” Aster thought of her friend escaping to this place on Seamus and wondered if there was much open land for riding here. Corynthe was the pride of her family for being chosen as a royal advisor to Mayfolk royalty, but Aster knew that she would rather spend her life riding and felt Patno 30 the pressure of performing her duties well. Perhaps that commonality had been what brought them together. Corynthe reached into the pocket of her riding coat, procuring a key and handing it to Aster. “You need sleep,” she said. “Let yourself in while I take care of Seamus. There’s a room ready for you down the first hall on the left.” “Thank you,” Aster said, taking the key. Inside, Aster mustered enough magic to produce a faint glow from her hand to guide her through the house, following Corynthe’s directions to the bedroom. The bedroom reminded Aster of the bedroom she shared with Laurel back home, aside from the room having one large bed instead of two small ones. Her shoulders slumped, physical and mental exhaustion taking its toll on her body. This place felt safe, cozy, and most importantly it felt nothing like the castle. Aster knew it would as soon as Corynthe said she’d bought it to get away from her duties when she could. Perhaps Aster could find a place like this of her own, somewhere to escape when the weight of the court became too heavy for her to shoulder. Aster dropped her bag and crossed the room to the bed, collapsing on the mattress with her legs dangling over the edge. She could make out the faint outline of a design on the ceiling, but the shuttered windows allowed for little vision and she couldn’t make out any details. I just need to sleep, Aster thought. Perhaps in the morning, my problems will seem much smaller. She was doubtful of that, but sleep would do her well all the same. She sat up to take off her riding cloak, hanging it off the nearest bedpost. She hadn’t bothered changing out of her nightdress for the journey and after she slipped her shoes off, she was prepared for bed once Patno 31 more, as she had been most of her sleepless night. She peeled the plush bedding back to get into bed, settled underneath the soft covers, and closed her eyes. Her thoughts continued to race and Aster tossed and turned in frustration. It was no surprise to her— she hadn’t been able to sleep because of the simple idea of Orven being with Floren, and to have seen it herself made her blood heat and restlessness grow even more. She should have known she was asking too much of him, should have seen the friendliness between Orven and Floren for what it was. I was the one who stepped into Orven’s world, yet I asked him to act as though he stepped into mine. Did everyone at the castle know? Was she the only one who hadn’t seen it? Cyril knows. He had been the one to accuse them of running off in the middle of court. He had tried to tell her and she’d pushed him away. Aster seldom thought of her aunt since she had left her human village, but Elena’s voice wormed its way into her head as the disastrous day looped over and over in her memory. Stupid, foolish girl. She had no idea how late it was when her exhaustion finally outweighed her emotions and racing thoughts and forced her into an abrupt sleep. ### When Aster dressed and emerged from the bedroom the next day— whether it was morning or early afternoon she couldn’t tell— she found Corynthe at a small dining table next to the kitchen. “Good morning,” Corynthe said. “I made breakfast.” Aster followed Corynthe’s gesture to the tabletop. Corynthe’s own plate was empty, but another sat across from her for Aster. Patno 32 “I didn’t know you could cook,” Aster said as she sat across from Corynthe to eat. “I cooked all the meals at home,” Corynthe said. “Both of my parents worked,and my father has such a talent for food, so he taught me as soon as I was old enough. It was a revelation that there were breakfast foods aside from bread and butter.” “Who cooks for your family now?” Aster asked. “I taught both of my siblings before I left, so they should be able to fend for themselves. I send them some money— not enough to sustain them, but enough to help. I’m good at cooking, but I don’t particularly like it. It’s nice to have other people for that at the castle.” Corynthe had mentioned that she didn’t come from noble or royal blood, but Aster hadn’t realized that the Seer’s family had worked like her own family did. “I know it’s unusual to have a baker for a queen, but is it unusual to have a royal advisor who came from a working family?” Aster asked. Corynthe nodded. “I got lucky. I’m a High Seer born of Lower Seer parents, which is rare. When it came time for me to visit the Grand Seer, she said I could make it to the castle one day. My parents put all of their extra money into training me in diplomacy to catch the attention of the crown, and here I am,” she said with a wave of her spoon in the air to indicate the cottage surrounding them. “Well, not here. The castle. Either way, I try to make them proud and their investments worth it.” Aster had always known that Corynthe was steady, a calming person to have among the court and a hard worker. She had no idea what a feat it was that she’d accomplished becoming the Seer emissary for Faethyre and Aster hoped she could find the strength and assuredness in herself that she saw in Corynthe. “I’m so impressed by you,” was all Aster could think to say. Patno 33 Corynthe laughed. “Thank you, but I knew what I was getting into when I began life as a diplomat. You waltzed into the castle with no idea what you were doing and have taken every challenge thrown your way in relative stride,” she said, emphasizing the word relative. Aster took the compliment because it wasn’t as though she was perfect and she appreciated that Corynthe seemed to understand that. Aster watched as the Seer prodded at herbs hanging from the window. They looked fresh and Aster guessed there was a garden outside and Corynthe had taken advantage of their time here to pick them and bundle them to dry in the heat of the sun. It was refreshing, Aster thought, to be outside the castle. Corynthe’s home was comfortable and reflected her personality much more than her quarters at the castle— the countertop and shelves overflowed with jars and cookware and the furniture was mismatched and worn. “It’s a shame you can’t come here more often,” Aster said. “I’ll see what I can do about getting you more time off.” “It pays to be friends with royalty,” Corynthe said with a sly smile. “We can’t stay long— we both have duties, but it reflects poorly on you especially to disappear from the castle without a word.” Aster groaned, dropping her forehead into her hand. “This was impulsive,” she said. Aster never did things like this. She should have stayed at the castle, helped in the aftermath of the disastrous day before. Nothing in her life had ever upset her enough that she just left whatever responsibilities she had. She wondered if her time in Faethyre had been wearing her down so much that Orven’s tryst with Floren was simply the last thing to drive her toward having some sense of escape. Patno 34 “Indeed,” Corynthe said flatly. “I sent word to the court this morning, which will buy us a day or two.” Leaving in the middle of the night without telling anyone seemed much more like something Orven would do than Aster. Her brow furrowed as the image of her husband with Floren in his bed crossed her mind at the thought of him. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to face him,” Aster said. “Orven?” Corynthe asked. “He gave me his word. It’s already been hard learning how to run a country, I certainly don’t need—” Aster interrupted herself to gesture vaguely around her, “All this. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time… on the throne, in Faethyre, with Orven… any of it.” Her need to get away from the castle was more than Orven, she knew that, but his betrayal still cut her deep. She thought that despite it all, the newness and uncertainty in her life since she left the human realm, she’d always have Orven’s companionship and loyalty. That’s what he’d promised her— not in any silly accidental childhood vows, but in his adulthood and with purpose. “Didn’t you come here to be happy?” Corynthe asked. “I came here to be something greater than the Human Realm could offer,” Aster replied, looking sullenly at her half-empty plate. “You came here to have something greater than an unhappy marriage,” Corynthe said. “That’s what you said to me the day I met you. Is your marriage greater than that?” Aster put the teacup down with a heavy breath. “I have a purpose here. That’s all that matters.” Doing right by Faethyre. Giving myself a place here. That’s what matters, Aster thought. She’d accepted a marriage with Orven to get away from a marriage with Casten– it Patno 35 seemed now that both would fail to meet her expectations, but at least Aster could make something of her life sharing the throne. “You’re not human, Aster,” Corynthe argued. “You grew up with them, but you’re Fae. This is where you belong.” “I never felt like I belonged in the human realm,” Aster mused. “Something about me always felt wrong there. But I have trouble feeling like I belong here, too.” Was she overcompensating for her human upbringing by staying on the throne? Was she using her status to prove something to Faethyre? To its people? “You’ve always belonged here,” Corynthe argued. “It’s not your fault that a childhood with the Fae was taken from you. And here, where you belong, you could keep your throne and love Cyril and no one would bat an eye. Why do you deny yourself what you want?” Aster’s spine straightened in surprise at Corynthe’s words, her eyes snapping to her friend. “Cyril?” Corynthe rolled her eyes playfully. “Please, Aster. I’m not stupid.” Aster’s friend was far too astute at reading people, she decided. Especially Aster herself, which was impressive when they’d only known each other for several months. Or was it as obvious to everyone as it was to Corynthe? Had the whole court figured out Aster’s feelings toward the Elven advisor? “Cyril aside, all of this has been bothering you for some time, I can tell,” Corynthe said. “I’m determined to help you solve whatever this is before we need to return. As my Queen, it will be good for your rule to have a clear head. As my friend, it will be good for your heart to unravel your muddled thoughts. Why do you hold so strong to your human morals?” Aster’s fingers drummed on the table. “I was raised that way.” Patno 36 It was a weak excuse and Aster knew it. Perhaps it had been convincing the first time she’d used it, but after seeing Orven with Floren and thinking only of what it meant for her and Cyril, it was clear to her that the excuses she made were not to keep Orven close but to push Cyril away. Corynthe pushed on. “There are plenty of other things from your upbringing you’ve given up. Why not this?” Aster frowned, gaze cast down at the woodgrain of the table. She supposed it might be respect for how her parents raised her, but they weren’t around to see if she strayed from that— in Faethyre or the human realm. When Aster looked at Corynthe once more, the Seer was looking at her thoughtfully. “Why do you cling to your idea of marriage? To Orven?” “Cyril could leave,” Aster said without thinking. I was promised love without marriage before, she thought, and surprise jolted through her. She hadn’t thought of it since her father died and she’d helped take on the responsibility of caring for her family. She hadn’t had time to dwell in the heartbreak. “You look like you’ve solved something,” Corynthe said. “I have,” Aster said. If I choose to pursue Cyril, he’s not bound to me. I could lose him at any time. Aster’s heart couldn’t stand the thought even though Cyril wasn’t hers to lose. Orven is bound to me, but he was never mine. Orven’s betrayal hadn’t come from a complete stranger. He was her friend. Incompatible in romance, maybe— Aster was growing more sure of that every day, but she thought that he still cared for her, considered her a friend the way she did. Patno 37 Instead, he continued to skip court meetings and make himself scarce from other events before they concluded, leaving her to finish things on her own though she was terribly underqualified to rule by herself. “Think about it more,” Corynthe said. “In the meantime, I need help in the garden. I hire a local girl to care for it while I’m away, but I like to do what I can when I’m here, which isn’t often. Let’s go.” Aster let out a relieved sigh. Corynthe knew how to read Aster very well, indeed. She could talk about Orven or Cyril whenever she was ready, but the Seer seemed always ready with a distraction to help Aster get by, whether she had simple daily frustrations within the royal walls or asked for her help to slip away in the middle of the night. The day outside was beautiful and sunny, the heat prickling Aster’s skin in a pleasant way. When Aster caught up to her in the small garden next to the house, Corynthe handed her a basket and pointed toward a bush dotted with raspberries. “You can clear that bush. We’ll make a pie and bring the rest back for the kitchen.” “Why have a garden here when you can so rarely use it?” Aster asked, crossing the garden down a row of greenery to the bush. “I suppose it’s homesickness,” Corynthe answered. “When I bought this place, I tried to make it as much like my home in Serhaim as I could. We grew much of our own produce and sold what we couldn’t eat.” Aster hummed, thinking again that she must talk to Orven and Theren about giving Corynthe more time in her carefully constructed getaway. Aster had eaten so many raspberries she feared she’d grow a stomachache, but they proceeded to use more to bake as planned. Small sandwiches sat on a platter on the counter, an Patno 38 attempt by Corynthe to balance the sweet fruit in their stomachs. They grazed on them sporadically as they baked, Aster taking the lead and asking for Corynthe’s help as it was needed. Aster constructed her crust with expert precision, the steps coming to her as easily as saddling Seamus had come to Corynthe. Baking was constant. Baking was familiar. Aster always knew what to do when she baked. It wasn’t a hobby for her in the human realm— it was her livelihood. She had grown to miss it the longer she was away and wished she had more time for it, especially now that she didn’t depend on it to support her family. The dough flattened at her whim, molding to the tin in a swath of buttery yellow, imprints of her fingertips left behind as she pressed into the edges of the pan. Her thoughts remained with the human realm as she lined a pan with the crust, her family at the forefront of her mind. Laurel seemed perfectly fine with Casten— happy, even. Aster just had to trust that her sister was as well as she’d seemed when she visited the village. Thomas. Aster’s brows furrowed at the thought of her brother while she clapped her hands against each other to shake excess dough and flour from her skin. She didn’t expect him to forgive her. She’d left without warning and given him an ultimatum he should never have to face: leave the twins to follow her to the homeland they’d never known, or stay in a place he grew up in but didn’t belong to take care of them as he always had. The twins weren’t their blood, but they were still family. Thomas was a better, more noble person than Aster would ever be for choosing them. “You look troubled,” Corynthe said. When Aster came back to herself, the images of her family fading away to reveal the kitchen in Corynthe’s house, she looked down to see that the pan was ready for the berry filling Patno 39 she’d charged Corynthe with preparing. Aster had, as she often did on the rare occasions she baked, done the methodical steps without thinking. “I miss my brother,” Aster admitted, dumping the filling into the crust and using a spoon to scrape the sides of the bowl to avoid staining her fingers with purple blackberry dye. “The changeling?” Corynthe asked. Aster nodded thoughtfully as she used the back of the spoon to spread the filling evenly. “I try not to think about him much, it makes my heart hurt. Like it’ll shrivel in my chest until I die. Selfishly, I wish he’d come here with me. I’d feel much less alone here.” “You have friends here,” Corynthe offered. “Me, Posie, Hysta—” Corynthe’s mouth snapped shut as though she’d cut her list off early. Cyril? Aster wondered. “It’s different,” Aster said. “I’m grateful for who I have here, but no one understands having been in the wrong place their whole life. He would understand and we wouldn’t be alone,” she continued as she idly began a crosshatch top for the pie, the pliable dough stretching as she weaved it together “Is he alone in the human realm?” Corynthe asked. “You had other siblings.” Aster shrugged. “Yes, he still watches after Laurel as much as he can. I hope they keep each other company,” she said as slid the pie into Corynthe’s oven. “He always seemed to know the way. Like my own personal advisor.” “You wish he were here to talk to you about Orven,” Corynthe said. It wasn’t a question. “I do,” Aster admitted. “You know me well, but he knows me better than anyone else.” Patno 40 Corynthe nodded in understanding. “My siblings always said there was nothing quite like my guidance as their eldest sibling. As much as I can try to do for you, I understand that you could use his brotherly advice.” “What would you tell your siblings in my situation?” Aster asked as she sat in one of Corynthe’s dining chairs. “You said Cyril could leave,” Corynthe began. “From the way he looks at you, I don’t think you need to worry about him leaving. What makes you afraid of abandonment?” A face flitted through Aster’s mind that she hadn’t thought of in many years. A familiar feeling raced through her, her mind bogging down with grief and her chest aching with residual heartbreak that she didn’t even know she had. Aster thought she had forgotten about Peter, had cast him from her mind, but he surfaced in her thoughts as soon as Corynthe asked the question. “When I was eighteen, I fell in love,” Aster said, then thought better of her words and corrected herself. “I thought I did. He promised me a life with him, then he left.” “Oh,” Corynthe said softly. “You’ve never mentioned anyone from back home besides your family and your engagement.” “I tried to forget about him,” Aster said with a shrug. “I almost did. I haven’t thought about him in a long time.” Corynthe blew out a heavy sigh, the breath stirring the hair that had fallen from its confined braid. She crossed the kitchen, opening a high cabinet and returning to the table with a decanter and two glasses. Wordlessly, she poured out the whiskey and slid a glass toward Aster before pouring her own. Patno 41 An image of her father flitted through Aster’s mind, his large frame occupying the living room chaise with a full glass of gin. After her mother died, he’d begun taking the decanter with him when he settled into his spot for the evening. I’ll never be my father, she assured herself. She didn’t think it possible to drink herself into absence like him. She lifted the glass to her lips, grimacing as the drink burned its way through her throat. “A woman seldom forgets the first person she loved,” Corynthe said. “I’m surprised you haven’t thought of him until now.” Aster shrugged. “It hurts too much, even now,” she said. Then she let out a soft laugh, though it sounded more like a scoff, and said “I don’t even think we would’ve done well for each other. He was adventurous, and I liked that about him, but he held space for only himself— and for me, I thought. I would’ve had to choose between him and my family eventually.” A frown made its way onto Aster’s face at her own words and she slung back more of her whiskey. “I ended up doing just that, anyway.” “You didn’t choose between Orven and your human family,” Corynthe said. “You chose between Faethyre and the Human Realm.” “I’m just like him,” Aster said, woeful. “I asked Thomas to choose between me and the twins.” “You didn’t purposefully mislead Thomas,” Corynthe said. “You made a hard decision and chose what was right for you. You told Thomas what he needed to know of his heritage so that he’d have the same autonomy to make that decision. What he decided to do was up to him.” “I feel like I’ve abandoned him. We’ve lost so many people already,” Aster said. “Everyone leaves. Including me, evidently.” “And you’re worried Cyril will leave, too?” Corynthe asked. Patno 42 “Peter said he wanted a life with me but didn’t want to get married,” Aster said. “He seemed so progressive about it and said he didn’t need my dowry, he only needed me. But he left. Cyril could do the same– he could decide he’s bored of me and leave.” “You won’t be any happier with Orven. Your marriage secures the throne and ensures equal rule between you. It means nothing of love,” Corynthe said. Aster could feel the foundations of her way of thinking begin to crack. Her father taught her the ways of the family business, while her mother taught her the ways of life. She always thought if she held steadfast to her mother’s words, cared for her family and loved her suitor the way her mother had loved her father, everything would turn out alright even after she was gone. “Everything will be okay,” Thomas had said, his arm around her shoulders as they watched their mother’s wooden box get covered with dirt in the ground. “She taught us everything we need to know.” What would Aster do now? If she strayed from what she knew, she’d be truly without direction. The thought of changing the way of thinking she’d learned from her mother, of letting the foundation crumble and building it anew without her, terrified Aster beyond words. “You’re not alone in this, Aster.” Cyril’s words always entered her thoughts when she felt lost like this, like a mantra. Like a promise. As if no matter what happened in Aster’s transition from her human life to her Fae one, she’d be able to overcome it with the help of her people— the people who cared. I have Corynthe, Aster thought. And everyone else, too. As Aster and Corynthe continued to talk and drink, the hours slipped by and Aster’s troubled thoughts seemed to find themselves farther away. Patno 43 This is freedom, Aster thought, her musings light with the drink Corynthe had poured while the pie was in the oven. Mother would never let Thomas and I eat half a pie straight from the pan before dinner. And on the sofa— she’d have a fit. A small laugh bubbled out of Aster at the thought. She’d chased freedom all her life and she had found it here, eating herself into a stomach ache in Corynthe’s homey living room before they had even considered what their proper meal would be tonight. “What?” Corynthe asked when she heard Aster’s laugh, her voice light and noncommittal as she forked at more of the crumbling pie. Aster mumbled something about pie and freedom, her words nonsensical, and Corynthe laughed as her words jumbled together. “There’s much more to freedom than pie,” she said through giggles. “But I suppose it’s a start.” The talk between Aster and Corynthe paused until the Seer’s voice sounded again, quietly. “Do you ever think of leaving?” “All the time,” Aster said without hesitation. “I knew accepting my right to the throne and becoming a queen would be difficult, but I could never be prepared for just how hard it is. I was a simple baker who lived a simple life. Sometimes I think of settling somewhere in Faethyre and getting as close as I can to the way I lived before.” “Why haven’t you?” Corynthe asked. “Faethyre needs a leader that isn’t Orven. He’s good at maintaining relationships with the nobles, but not at building relationships with the rest of our people. If he were left to rule alone, things would only get worse for those I’m trying to help.” Patno 44 “Open court was a good idea,” Corynthe said, as though she knew Aster was thinking about her attempt at removing the barriers between the people and the crown to help those in Faethyre who most needed it. “I think you’ll be a great queen one day.” “Do you ever think of leaving?” Aster asked. “I have my horses and a place to escape to,” she said, gesturing around her at the cottage. “My family is cared for. That’s all I need.” Aster realized that Corynthe, for all her complexities, didn’t need much to be satisfied. Aster had a long road ahead of her in establishing her place in Faethyre, but everything would fall into place as long as she stayed with the Fae where she belonged and kept her people by her side. A new sense of determination sparked within her, driven by the thought of Fae freezing through the winter or living in fear of the west while Orven continued to shirk his responsibilities as a king when a ruler was most needed. “I think I’m ready to go home,” Aster said. “Oh, Good,” Corynthe replied. “Tomorrow, though. I’m in no state to ride myself. If your swordsmanship has anything to show for yourself, you shouldn’t be in my saddle either.” A fit of shocked giggles racked through Aster. The Seer’s usual formality and diplomacy seemed to have disappeared– an effect of the alcohol, Aster assumed. “Theren keeps pushing me for more combat lessons,” Aster said with a groan. “He seems to think my ineptness can be trained out of me.” “As your friend, I think you have many strengths,” Corynthe began. “Combat isn’t one of them and he should give up. You’re hopeless.” “I am!” Aster laughed. “And I don’t need it, we have guards for a reason.” Patno 45 Corynthe nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed. Theren is seeing your training from a military perspective because he trained Orven in military combat.” “Orven shouldn’t be in combat,” Aster said. “What happens to Feathyre if its rulers are lost in battle? Theren is charged with the military for a reason.” “Theren thinks like a general,” Corynthe started. “And it kept the country strong in the absence of its rightful ruler. Faethyre doesn’t need that anymore and you think like a queen.” The Seer’s words touched Aster greatly, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.It seemed that there was always someone to tell Aster that they believed in her even when she had a hard time believing in herself. In an attempt to keep the conversation light, Aster continued to talk about Theren, “He’s started talking about teaching me and Orven swordfighting on horseback,” she said with a grimace. “That’s a terrible idea,” Corynthe said. “You’re barely steady on a horse as it is.” Aster had yet to go riding with her for a reason— she would hold up the Seer so long it wouldn’t be fun for either of them. That was freedom for Corynthe, Aster guessed. The feeling of flying on a horse. Aster would find her own version of that someday— it certainly wouldn’t be any baked good when she was sober, but she knew it had to exist. ### Aster and Corynthe set off back to the castle the next day with pounding heads and dry mouths. They had woken even worse— their stomachs rolling with residual alcohol and hunger since they had fallen asleep on Corynthe’s plush sofas without a proper dinner. Corynthe managed to prepare a small breakfast and insisted that they’d eat more when they arrived home. Aster hoped that Faustus might help, too. The Sorcerer was an incredibly competent healer– if he Patno 46 could remedy the back pain she had upon arriving in Faethyre, he could surely help remedy the pain radiating through her head and cramping in her stomach. Aster didn’t drink often and when she did she never had more than a glass of wine. Whiskey had proven stronger, and with the amount she and Corynthe had consumed, Aster was regretting her decisions. She didn’t understand how her father could drink so much and so often. The ride seemed shorter on the way back, if more uncomfortable. While Corynthe guided Seamus, Aster had to focus on taming her nausea, which was amplified by the motion of the horse. When they rounded a bend to show the castle, Aster let out a sharp exhale of relief. “Finally,” Corynthe said. The Seer was never one to let anyone handle her horse, but she was happy to leave Seamus at the care of the stable hands just once and handed the bridle off to a Fae man in work clothes and leather gloves. Aster and Corynthe trudged into the castle and toward the kitchen, where they requested any food that might help with their aching bodies, and the two were promptly sent to their quarters to rest with a light scolding from the Fae woman who ran the kitchen. When Aster arrived in her quarters, an excited Darragh greeted her. She groaned as he jumped into her, asking for the attention he’d been deprived of in her absence. “Sorry I couldn’t take you,” she said when he finally settled down. “Seamus had the nerve to have only room for me and Corynthe.” Darragh followed Aster toward her bedroom, where she collapsed on her bed without so much as taking off her shoes. Darragh jumped onto the mattress beside her, walking in circles and curling up by her legs where she could have her space but reach him by stretching out a foot. “Never touch whiskey, Darragh,” she said. He simply huffed out a breath at the sound of his name. Patno 47 The alcohol had sent Aster into an early sleep the night before and kept her asleep until morning, but she still fell into a fitful nap in an attempt to alleviate her discomfort. When Posie nudged her awake, Aster had no idea how long she’d been asleep. Aster sat up to see that Posie carried a tray. “Thank you,” Aster said in lieu of greeting. Posie let out a soft laugh. “You’re welcome,” the Keeper said. “The kitchen tells me you and Corynthe had quite a night.” “The kitchen gossips,” Aster said, sitting up and throwing her legs over the bed to stand. “It was nothing exciting. We simply drank most of a decanter of whiskey and ate half a pie straight from the pan.” “I miss being young,” Posie sighed, her voice playful and wistful at the same time as she followed Aster to the table, setting the tray down on the surface. “Shall I draw you a bath?” “Please,” Aster said as she sat. She’d have to clean her teeth again, too. She’d done so before departing Corynthe’s cottage, but her mouth still tasted foul. After finishing her second breakfast and taking advantage of the full pot of tea the kitchen had sent on the tray, Aster soaked in the warm water Posie had drawn until it became tepid. The scents she’d used were doing wonders for her headache. By the time Aster dressed, she felt much better. She wasn’t sure she’d ever reach the point of feeling normal today, but she felt passably functional and that was enough. It would have to be, since she’d abandoned her duties for a full day and there would be much to catch up on. Aster moved down the corridor quickly, determined to find Orven so they could move on from this mess. The longer she went without speaking to him, the longer she would be distracted from doing what she had come to Faethyre to do. Be a ruler, Aster thought. Patno 48 As Aster passed through the corridor that housed the royal quarters, she turned into the wing that housed the quarters of the court. Theren’s door was shut tight as she passed and as she walked further along the hallway she noticed Cyril’s door hanging ajar. Aster knew she needed to speak to Orven, but he was far from the first person she wanted to speak to. She had planned to first mend things with her husband, then apologize for her coldness toward Cyril, but the temptation of his comforting presence overshadowed her reason as she approached the open door frame. As the room came into view, Cyril caught her movement and his gaze snapped upward to meet hers. He sat on a chaise at the far end of the room, looking over parchments Aster assumed were to be presented at the court’s meeting later in the day. He quickly rose, setting the paper down on a nearby table as he began to cross the room. “You’re back,” he said, meeting her at the door. His eyes scanned over her as though he didn’t quite believe she was in front of him— as though she’d been gone for a week instead of a day. Aster’s eyes flitted up to Cyril’s face to see his brows furrowed as he waited for an explanation from her. “I’m back,” she said. “Corynthe said she sent word of our absence.” “She did,” Cyril said, opening the door fully and retreating back inside his quarters, motioning for Aster to follow. She passed through the doorway, closing it behind her and sitting on a plush chair adjacent to the chaise where Cyril seated himself once again. “But she gave no explanation. All she said was that you were both safe and would return to us in due time.” “I suppose the message that we were safe was more important than what we were doing,” Aster said with a shrug. “Why did you leave?” Cyril asked. “I was worried.” Patno 49 The concern in Cyril’s voice sent her traitorous heart fluttering. “Orven didn’t tell you?” “Orven tells me many things, but he seems to be private when it comes to you.” “I couldn’t sleep the night after court,” she said. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation in the dining room, so I investigated myself.” “Ah,” Cyril’s voice sounded, nodding with understanding. “I assume you didn’t like what you saw?” Aster shook her head. “Of course not. Corynthe was awake and she took me to her cottage. I couldn’t stand to be under the same roof as him.” “Corynthe’s cottage?” Cyril asked. “No one goes there but her.” Aster smiled at him playfully, attempting to lift the mood. “I’m nice to her.” “I’m nice!” Cyril argued. One of Aster’s brows rose, sarcastic disbelief overtaking her features. “She and I aren’t friends, but I’m nice,” he insisted. “She says you’re that way with everyone, not just her,” Aster said, patting his arm teasingly as if to comfort him. “Either way, I’m grateful she was willing to bring me there. I needed it.” “I’m sorry about Orven,” Cyril said. “I had a feeling, and I hate that it hurt you. You’ve spoken to him, then?” Aster shook her head. “I haven’t seen him since I returned.” Cyril looked out a nearby window, tracking the sun in the sky. “I suppose it is early, considering you must’ve come back this morning.” Aster studied Cyril’s profile as he continued to watch the window. Like his door, it was also left slightly open, a cool mid-morning breeze coming into the room and the sound of rustling trees and birdsong filtering through the open space. Patno 50 “Cyril?” Cyril’s distracted face turned from the window to Aster. “Yes?” “I never said I didn’t want you.” “It was presumptuous of me to think you did,” he said with a shrug. “I’m sorry if I added to your pressures.” Aster shook her head. “I do want you,” she said, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. “I’ve wanted you since the night in the tavern. That kiss was real.” “You said it was the ale.” “I lied,” Aster said. “That night, you told me about my marriage and I thought I knew what I needed to do.” “And now?” Cyril asked. “Have your priorities changed?” “I don’t know,” Aster admitted, looking down at her skirt and tugging on a loose thread. “I thought I knew, but now I have no idea. Talking to Orven should be a start.” Cyril nodded. “It would be best if our monarchs didn’t come to our meeting today with one wanting to rip out the other’s throat,” he said. He stood from his seat and approached Aster, offering his hand to help her up and walking her back toward his closed door. “If you disregarded what you thought you needed to do and acted on what you wanted, what would your life look like?” Cyril asked. That wasn’t a hard question for Aster to answer, especially when Cyril was so close to her that she could feel his magic radiating from him as he walked with her. She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him, focusing on the handsome features of his face. “What?” Cyril asked. Patno 51 No more thinking, Aster thought. She stood on her toes, her hands reaching for Cyril’s face as she acted on what she wanted for the first time since she’d stepped foot on Fae land. Her lips brushed against his, and when he didn’t pull away, she deepened the kiss between them, her hands sliding behind his neck to interlace her fingers. One of Cyril’s hands found its way to her waist, and he pulled her closer as the other brushed along her cheek to hold her face. Aster’s heart soared as she pushed her body against his. Cyril broke away with a sharp breath, his eyes dark as they looked into hers. His grip on her waist tightened as her locked fingers parted and her fingers brushed lightly down the sides of his neck and over his collarbones, satisfaction rushing through her when she felt a shiver wrack through him. Her fingers found purchase at the top buttons of his shirt and she curled them to tug the ties loose, but he grasped one of her hands to stop her. “Aster,” Cyril said, a protest though Aster could hear the hesitation in it. “What?” Aster asked, stopping her hands from moving further as her own wanton eyes wandered up his chest to lock on his face. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” Cyril stepped away with a frustrated sigh, the distance between them small but leaving Aster feeling cold and empty. “I want you more than anything. You know that,” he said. Frustration flared within her, his rejection dampening her mood instantly. “Then why?” Aster asked, wincing at the petulance in her voice— speaking like a child would get her nowhere. She stepped toward him again, reaching out for him. He clasped her hands in his own and brought them to his chest. “The first time I lie with you, I won’t be a distraction,” he began, “Or an object of revenge toward Orven.” Patno 52 White-hot shame flooded Aster from her face to her feet and this time she was the one to step away from him, yanking her hands out of his grip. “That’s not what this is,” Aster insisted. Cyril’s features flared and his arms folded in controlled restraint at her insistence. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Aster wasn’t sure of anything. That was the root of all of her problems. Her shame fizzled into vulnerability, the turmoil in her thoughts over the days brimming over. You should be speaking to Orven, not throwing yourself at Cyril at the first opportunity. She crossed her arms across her middle, her shoulders slumping, as though being smaller would protect her from the embarrassment of her actions. Cyril reached out a tentative hand, resting it against her arm. With the other, he brushed a stray piece of hair from Aster’s face. “Look at me,” he said, his voice quiet and reassuring. Aster forced her eyes to meet his, though her head remained downturned. “This is a messy situation. If this is still what you want when the dust settles, my bed will be waiting for you,” he said. “If you decide you want this, I want you to have a clear head so you can feel it all.” Cyril’s words washed through Aster in a blaze of heat and she could feel the warmth creeping upward toward her face. A wicked, satisfied smirk graced his features. “If you’d looked at me like that before today, your grace,” he said, “I never would’ve doubted who you wanted in the first place.” Aster gave him an owlish blink, willing the blush away from her face and her pounding heart to slow. “If you’d said these things before today, Cyril,” she countered, “You’d already know what it’s like for me to look at you like this.” Patno 53 A quiet laugh escaped Cyril, his head tilting as he looked at her. “I hope I’ll get to see it again.” Aster smiled back at him, shaking her own head. “I need to talk to Orven,” she said finally. Perhaps using Orven as an excuse was a poor way to leave Cyril, but if she stayed much longer she was sure she’d melt under his gaze. Cyril nodded, reaching around her to minimize the distance between them. Every nerve in Aster sang at the proximity and a shiver seeped down her spine when she caught the woody scent of him as he opened the door. “I’ll see you soon, your grace.” Turning into the royal wing, Aster’s focus zeroed in on Orven as he exited his quarters and closed the door behind him. They caught each other’s eyes as he turned to face her, each stilling in their movements as they beheld one another across the corridor. ### Orven’s gaze managed to look both angry and relieved at the same time as Aster stood in front of him, finding she still had nothing to say. An awkward silence lapsed between them and Aster couldn’t be sure if they were sizing each other up or simply considering what to do next. “Where have you been?” Orven asked finally. “With Corynthe,” Aster said. Orven nodded as though he should have known to expect who Aster was with. “I was worried about you.” “I was fine,” Aster said. “Obviously you’re fine, I’m looking at you,” Orven sighed. “But I didn’t know that before you walked into the room, did I?” “I don’t need a scolding,” Aster said. “I’m not a child.” Patno 54 Orven held up his hands in surrender. “Can we talk?” “I suppose we have to, don’t we?” Aster asked. “Not here, though,” Orven said. Aster shook her head. While only she and Orven resided in the Royal Wing, the court’s wings were near enough to hear them if they stayed in the hallway. There were very few places in the castle that were private that weren’t living quarters, but Aster didn’t want to go to Orven’s and she didn’t want him in hers. “The study,” Aster suggested. Technically, the private study belonged to the crown as a unit, though Aster was the one who used it most and Cyril liked to use it on occasion. She followed Orven to the study, where she shut and locked the door behind her. She didn’t expect anyone to come in, but if anyone did it would likely be Cyril. “About Floren,” Orven started, but Aster held her hand up to silence him. “I’d like to ask the questions, if that’s alright,” she said. “There are things you might say I’d rather not know.” “Can I say I’m sorry first?” Orven asked. “You may,” Aster said. “I’m sorry,” Orven said. “And you can ask anything you want.” Aster crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly less resolved than she was at Corynthe’s. She wasn’t sure if it was the distance or the drink that had given her such boldness or clarity. “How long?” Aster asked first. “Weeks,” Orven said. “Maybe a month.” Aster mentally calculated the time easily. He hadn’t lied to her when she’d asked if he had consorts the first time— that had been well before the timeline Orven gave her. Patno 55 “Do you love her?” Aster asked. Orven shrugged. “I could. I like her, but it’s too early to tell.” Aster felt like she was interrogating him and she hated every minute of it, but she needed answers. For the good of herself and the good of her people, they had to resolve this. “Did you care at all that this would hurt me?” “Of course I did,” Orven said. “You’re my friend and I knew I was going directly against a promise I made to you.” “I asked you for one thing and you went back on your word,” Aster said. “Why?” “I don’t love you,” Orven said. Aster’s head reeled at his words. She still felt betrayed by his actions, but she was surprised to find no hurt at the confession that he didn’t love her. “And you don’t love me, either,” Orven continued. “I see the way Cyril looks at you. I also see the way you look at him.” Aster flushed, embarrassment at being caught in her longing for the advisor. “Cyril and I have never—” “Haven’t you?” Orven asked. “You just came from the court’s wing.” Aster bristled at the accusation despite the truth behind it, the discomfort of her actions sending prickles down her arms. “I haven’t slept with him,” she said, though she knew she would have if Cyril hadn’t put a stop to it. “But that doesn’t change anything, does it? Not really. You want him and you don’t want me. You told me to wait for you to fall in love with me, and you haven’t, and I can’t follow the morals of a realm I don’t belong to because it’s what you want.” “You were raised there just like me,” Aster argued. Patno 56 “I was raised there,” Orven agreed, “But not like you. I was taught the differences in how the humans and the Fae navigate their worlds. I was a visitor there and I knew it. I always knew where I belonged.” Hurt and envy flashed through Aster. The only person in Faethyre like her, who knew the humans as she did, and even he had known his place his whole life. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” Orven said. “And I’m sorry I deceived you. I mean that sincerely, but you lied to me, too.” Aster flinched as though Orven had slapped her, his words burrowing sharply into her chest. As uncomfortable as the truth was, as hard as it was for her to admit her own fault, he was right. She had lied to him when she told him she was falling in love with him– she never had been. What kind of ruler would she be if she couldn’t take responsibility for that? Aster sighed. She knew she had lied to him, and she began to realize she’d been lying to herself. Did she know all this time that she’d never be in love with him? That he was never meant to be more than a friend to her? “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice soft. Orven sighed deeply. “You’ll be a wonderful queen, Aster,” he said. “I’ve never doubted that. I was meant to rule by blood, but I think you’re meant to rule by heart. We may not be compatible for romance, but I’ll do whatever I can to help rule this place with you.” “You have a good heart,” Aster insisted. “But a good heart means nothing if it isn’t in the right place. That would be Faethyre.” “Faethyre is lucky to have you. I fear I’d run this place into the ground on my own,” Orven replied. Patno 57 “I have no idea what I’m doing most days,” Aster laughed. “I don’t even know what being Fae means and certainly don’t know how to take charge of a land full of them. You do, and I think with common ground we could be a good team.” When she arrived in Faethyre, Aster was determined to be a good wife to Orven. She thought it would be easy– being a good spouse to a friend was far easier than being a good spouse to a lifelong rival. Even if she had known what she knew now when Cyril had brought her across the sea, she still would have chosen Orven over Casten. He was far from a perfect ruler and Aster didn’t find him to be a perfect husband, but he still cared about her, which was more than could be said of the blacksmith’s son. Her marriage had brought her to her homeland, had given her friendships within her court. Most importantly, she had freedom as Fae that she never had when she thought she was human. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be a wife, Aster thought. A wife was what she was always told she’d be, but now that she was married she faced the opportunity to use it to be something greater. I’ve been focusing too much on my compatibility with Orven, she decided. Perhaps it’s time to focus on being a good ruler. “Truce?” Orven asked, his eyes sincere as he held her gaze. Aster nodded. “Friends?” She asked. “Friends,” Orven replied. He held his arms open and she accepted his hug. It was awkward, but it was a start. “One more thing,” Aster said when she stepped away. “What?” Orven asked. “You have to start coming with me to meetings. Floren being scarce is one thing, but the court is annoyed with you and I’m not equipped to rule by myself. If you choose to continue… Patno 58 whatever it is you have with Floren, I won’t say anything about it. No more secrets. Then, there should be no reason for you to disappear with her.” It would hurt, it would take adjusting, but Aster thought it would be cruel to continue keeping him from Floren. Orven didn’t say he loved her, but he said he could. She had an inkling that she might feel that way about Cyril. She didn’t want to prevent Orven from it like she’d prevented herself. “I wasn’t always with Floren, if you recall,” Orven said. Aster thought back to meetings where Orven hadn’t been present and could think of many where Floren was there. “Is there someone else?” Aster asked before she could stop herself, then winced inwardly at the thought. She still had trouble accepting Floren and wasn’t sure if she was ready to know of others. “No,” Orven said. “I’ve just been shirking my duties more than I should. A life in hiding has made me unaccustomed to work, I suppose.” Aster had a hard time believing it was that simple, but she would have to take him at his word. She wasn’t even sure she could truly, fully trust him after this, but she couldn’t change whether he’d lie to her and they had a country to run. She would just have to let the future play out. “We can start with the meeting this morning.” Orven nodded and followed Aster out of the study and toward the meeting room. When they entered, the entirety of the court had already settled into their seats. Aster’s gaze fell to Cyril, his face alight with curiosity. She nodded at the advisor to assure him that all was well between her and the king and a teasing smirk graced his features. “Now, tardiness I expect from Orven, but not you, Aster,” he said. Patno 59 “No one’s perfect,” Aster said as she made her way to her seat. She patted Corynthe’s shoulder as she passed the Seer, who had her head in her hands. When Aster and Orven settled into their seats, Aster cleared her throat to address the room. “I apologize for my absence yesterday and my tardiness today, especially in wake of the disaster of our first open court. Let’s begin. We have much to discuss and delegate.” This is my purpose, Aster thought. This is why I’m here. To make Faethyre better.