made a point of asking for a little more than Smitty could give." He seemed to picture the girl in his eyes. "Shit. Cain't have no woman tying knots around me. Richard imitated the soul-talk of the Negroes. He got along well with the spades in town. I had seen him talking with them often. Roy got into the act, overdoing it a little. "Man, ain't no chick gonna lay into me with long-term jive and hassle." We all laughed. The spontaneous laughter of friends. The day was going fine. I felt relaxed and comfortable, though I still had an uneasy shadow of expectancy. The car was silent. Warm air came through the car like new life. Then, I noticed it. Something different. I felt a stir of anxiety, of anticipation, like I had felt before a race at the high school track meets. I shifted in my seat, being unable to identify the source of sudden emotion that, was growing stronger. I looked at Roy. He was gazing out the window at something that apparently gave him great pleasure. His eyes had that far-away look, like Richard's did sometimes. Richard was smiling, perhaps even more openly than usual, as he tapped a tune on the steering wheel with his forefingers. Richard occasionally played in a band. Music was another of his talents. Richard spoke to me, still tapping. "Remember this through all that is to come. All is good, or bad. We are all together. There is nothing to fear." He spoke slowly and the words seemed ominous, slow and frightening. As he spoke them, I wondered what their meaning was. But I wondered for only a moment. Then, I was much too busy trying to sort a sudden crashing burst of feeling that swal- lowed me. I felt what Richard meant by "changes". I felt my mind transform. My most basic assumptions and concepts no longer seemed to make sense. Suddenly, truth was meaningless. I did not know of truth. I did not know what was happening. I did not know who I was. Cerebral sequences were running wild, no longer on their proper courses. The effects were physical. I leaned back into the seat seeming to melt into it. I was frightened! Wait a minute! Hold on! Fear, naked with claws and teeth bared clutched at me. I was saved by my memory of Richard's words. "There is nothing to fear. All is good, or bad." The words were now significant were my life-jacket. I calmed, wishing to relax, to stop and look at the situation. To find out what this thing was that had suddenly become a REMEMBER THIS THROUGH ALL THAT IS TO COME. ALL IS GOOD, OR BAD. WE ARE ALL TOGETHER. THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR. 44 part of me. My wish was fulfilled. I felt myself leaving myself, actually, physically. I felt the apprehension and fear accompanying such a happening. I stepped aside and looked at myself. But then I stepped aside and looked at myself looking at myself. I was caught in an endless chain. Could I ever get back? Were we still in the car? Where was Richard? I looked around, turning my consciousness outward. The car was moving, but all else had changed. The air crackled with liquid electricity. The road was a river, we were drifting with the current. The colors outside blended to form one, then another, then all colors. I could feel the blueness of the sky. I could feel the vibrations of the wind as its molecules collided with mine. I was buzzing, shaking all over. From far away, as though through a tunnel, I heard Roy's voice. It was as if my thrashing had been physical and I had disturbed him. In fact, I had not moved since speaking to Richard. Roy spoke, his voice quivered and hummed, as if it came through bubbling honey. "Relax, relax and flow. The changes are good. The changes are eternal. The changes bring life." These chanting words reached me calmed me as Richard's had done, and brought with them a great impact. As though I had instant knowledge insight into all things. I felt very good now, very ready for whatever was to come. The mind was violin music. It was crickets at dusk and a star under water. Sensation mixed with experience like woodsmoke with atmosphere. Memory fused with present. The future hurled itself at me, was here, and gone. All was motion. I wondered where we were. I wondered who we were, for what pur- pose, by whose design. As I wondered I felt calm, as though the answers didn't really matter. I was spinning. I felt again a hint of fear. Fear of the new and unknown. "Richard," I felt the words form and be released, "What is happening? Are you tricking me? Is it supposed to happen like this?" I felt reassurance before he responded. Wisdom and control emanated from my two companions. Neither had spoken for what seemed a very long time. Richard smiled again. Had he felt as I now felt? "Yes, it is all supposed to happen. This and more. The intensity will cease, having won entrance, but the calm after the storm is as significant as the storm itself. Yes, he had felt before as I felt now. From way back in my mind came doubt and, again, fear. I knew that I was losing reality. Was I insane? But my fear lasted only a moment. My old mind had lost. I was no longer afraid of insanity. Much more happened. Things I cannot remember. Changes I cannot re-create for you. Words can only go so far. We drove for several hours. The changes, the spell, were at first awesome and overwhelming. But now I was slowing as Richard said I would. I had time for reflection for questions. But no questions were there. No desire existed for answers and definitions. We drove home in the gray-blue dusk. The road was a road again. The car was again the Blue Silk, no longer a roller coaster of color and thought. My mind was exhausted, as was my body. Thought came and went, unattached, having no force. Richard lit a cigarette the eternal smile. Roy, I remembered, had talked with me when I was most confused. He had spoken at times without words. They had conducted me on a journey without course, without meaning, without end. I knew nothing of what had happened, but I was calm and unconcerned with hows and whys. I knew only what changes were. What freedom was. I knew that I would never be the same. I smiled to myself, eyes gazing, as if they looked a long way away. HE CALLED HIS CAR THE "BLUE SILK".