ELEPHANTS AND PLUMS In the light cast recently by the outbreak of a rash of elephant jokes, it has become apparent that Americans are in need of a detailed differentiation between elephants and plums. This is obvious from one jest aimed at pachyderms which suggests that the most foolproof means of distinguishing an elephant from a plum lies in the fact that plums are purple and elephants are not. Immediately, the well-rounded, clearthinking mind recognizes the deficiency which lies in this definition. Using this, we can see that thousands of color-blind Americans, quickwitted as they may be, could easily identify an elephant as a plum, or vice-versa, and thus suffer much embarrassment. If you as a novice have ever faced the difficult task of picking the plums out of a group composed of both plums and elephants, you are familiar with the fact that elephants and plums are similar in nature. You must learn these similarities before you can recognize the difference and become an expert plum-picker. First, elephants and plums both are alive and both grow. This is obvious. Something which isn't obvious and which throws many elephant hunters off the track is the existence of the silver plum. This is a plum which not 12 only is not purple but which is an ugly tan color, closely resembling elephant skin. Beware of this pitfall! A third similarity is the regularity with which both elephants and plums can be observed falling from trees. A good rule to follow in this situation is to check for flat feet, which is a good sign of an elephant, or the lack of flat feet, which indicates a plum. The advanced student must be familiar with the three basic differences between pachyderms and ripe plums. The most important fact is that elephants have spaces between their toes and frequently wear thongs. Plums have no feet. Another difference is the manner in which elephants' ears are held flat against their heads, which is the result of wearing their cowboy hats too tight. This is in contrast to plums which seldom, if ever, wear hats. Size is an important distinguishing factor also. For example, six plums could comfortably occupy the front seat of a Volkswagen, while six elephants would have to ride three in front and three in back. Thus armed with these facts of plum and elephant life, no thinking American could possibly identify a bushel of elephants as a herd of plums! 13