IT'S AN ART How To Woo and Win a WOMAN By Carl T. Singleton One cannot be too careful in the choice of an object upon which one intends to lavish his affections, so give this matter considerable forethought before making your choice. Remember that the field is large and there are many possibilities, so don't be too hasty. After you have narrowed the enormous number of prospects down to a few, then ask yourself these questions: Is she interestingly proportioned? (ie., curves in the right places, legs substantial, in possession of at least the front teeth, etc.) Does she have a sense of humor, or is her personality such that she finds it difficult to live with herself? Is the color of her hair original? If not, what color is it? Is her general appearance pleasing enough that you can introduce her to your friends and parents without experiencing that queasy I-wish-I-were-somewhere-else feeling? While intelligence isn't essential, it is desirable; so does she possess enough gray matter to carry on a simple conversation, and to attemp a thought now and then? And last, is her beauty real or purchased from the cosmetic counter? If after subjecting her to these questions, you still feel sufficiently interested, then it might be wise to investigate her financial standing. Of course, your real purpose in choosing this girl from the many others is to find a perfect mate and a true love, but if you should happen to discover that she is heiress to a million dollars, then by all means do no feel discouraged, for money has been known to have a definite lasting attraction long after love has subsided. Now that you have chosen the apple of your eye, your little piece of heaven on earth the problem is how to win her love. If you don't own an automobile and your dad won't lend you his, then buy one at once; preferably a late model convertible with an outlandish paint job, equipped with a radio, heater, and other accessories. This is a "must" because it is difficult for love to blossom and grow while being jostled and pushed about on a crowded bus. Try the masterful approach on your first evening together. That is: allow no grass to grow under your feet. Talk fast and move even faster. Keep her guessing as to what your intentions are. When it becomes evident that you have her baffled, take her home at once before she starts asking questions. Follow up your scheme the next day with a dozen roses and if your wallet is extra thick, a box of candy. Stay away for a few days and give her time to fit some of the pieces together; then call on her to see what effect your actions thus far have had. Try the win-her-mother-over-to-your-side approach. Tactfully wheedle an invitation to dinner from her, and then come dressed in your most pleasing manners. Pass the praise and flattery out in your most eloquent style, but be careful to keep it practicable and sincere. Comment on the savor-iness of the food and anything else which seems noticeale or outstanding. If, after dinner, they haven't planned any entertainment, launch the conversation with some popular topic of the day, or with a few appropriate statements which parallel her father's business. Even though her father's influence on her love affair will be little or none, it is desirable to win his favor. It might prevent your receiving a severe tongue lashing, or if her father is the old-fashioned type, being chased down the street by a charge of buckshot some night when you take her home exceptionally late. Let them do most of the conversing, but 4 take care that no prolonged gaps are allowed to exist. Depart early but not before you have heaped on your thanks and appreciation. If your plans thus far haven't achieved the desired effect, then remember that if you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; all that runs over will be yours. Flatter her at every opportunity. Tell her that her beauty not only equals but excells that of all the beautiful women in the world. You needn't be accurate in your comparisons because she will believe anything you say, as long as it is about her inimitable beauty and charm. Lay it on thick and heavy, and about anything and everything which crosses your mind. The more unbeliev- able your compliments are, the more readily will she believe them. If by this time you haven't completely won the lady in question over to your side, then drop her immediately. If you haven't been able to win her love by any of the aforementioned approaches, then you should class her as a confirmed misogamist, and look for a mate elsewhere. By all means, don't feel spurned and rejected, for you have had a narrow escape and should feel grateful for your freedom. You have been spared the mistake that many a man makes when he is in love with a dimple and marries the whole girl. You would have soon discovered that wedlock embodies too much lock and not enough wed. Blind Alley By Annette Graham One hot, sultry August afternoon a boy about 16 hurried into a small restaurant and plunked himself down at a little table. A young girl who had been working there but a short time came to wait on him. "What would you like?" she asked. "A double chocolate malt," the thirsty customer stated, wiping his hot brow. "Oh," exclaimed the girl, "we don't make that kind." "But it says so right here on the menu," explained the boy. "I'm sorry, but we still don't make them." The boy, getting rather disgusted, picked up the menu and showed her where it said "chocolate malt." "Now, all I want you to do is to make a double portion for me. Just twice as much of everything," explained the lad patiently. "But we don't do that," came the stolid reply. "Well," said the boy, trying a different angle, "suppose I told you I had a friend?" "Have you?" questioned the girl. "A Yes I have, and he's coming in here in about five minutes." "Well, that's different," said the girl as she hurried off to make the order. When she came back, she put one malt in front of the boy and the other one across from him. The boy then pulled the other malt over in front of him and put a straw in both of them and drank them both while the young lady stood and watched him in wonderment. He looked up at her with a twinkle in his eye and laughed, "Now do you catch on?" The girl just stood there for a minute, then she exclaimed, "But what will your friend think?" 5