16 THE ACORN Acorn in the hand is worth two on the foot. It is easier to Winnifred than to Mar-riot, but when it comes to the question of Marion Belnap, we Neta Carver to Mary him off. Delphia Zella would make a loyal patriot. Mattie Why do you think so? Delphia She thinks quite a bit of Uncle Sam. Prof. Thos. McKay (in Physical Geography) Mortimer, where is Russia situated? Watson She is situated in a pretty bad box just at present. Prof. T. M. Well, what does Japan export? ci Watson Sailors and gunboats. Prof. Bradford Where do potatoes grow, Harry?, (but Bitton was absent). You answer, Henry. Sewell Up in the cocoanut trees. Every cloud has its silver lining, Every pretty rose has its thorn, Every year has its spring and autumn. Everybody should have Acorn. Why are the Juniors, as a body, like a display of goods at a Racket store? There are all kinds of notions among them. Bro. Nelson was at the Pastime theater last week. He had better not go to the Philippines or the kissing bugs might eat him up. Indications point to a close union between students and teachers, if the association of Prof. Nelson and Izze remain as they were last week. At the Seniors' ball the Juniors act- ed as if they were "sore" because of the fine decorations and the Senior generosity perhaps they are sorry because it was better than they could do. The advanced Rhetoric class must be doing good work. Some members of the class like the text book better than a novel. I suppose it is because they can read it more than once and still get more thoughts. The class in "Lady of the Lake" is a record breaker because of good work. This speaks,well of the first years students. Mr. Evans (in Domestic Arts) What is the most essential principle in cooking, Eva? Miss Hetzler A good fire. Hansen (in disgust) Now what earthly good are collars? Doxey The railroad men, especially the engineers, could ndt get along without them. If there were no callers, the trains might needlessly be delayed. Cragun What sort of a person is the best fitted for the position of a floor-walker? Manning A new married man; he is used to it. Watson What kind of a magazine are you most interested in? Browning A powder magazine. My relatives run a gun-store. Jones What's the best thing out this spring? Berlin School. Jones But I'm referring to clothes. Berlin Oh! the close of school. The hare and the tortoise Lyons and Peterson. THE ACORN 17 Lindsay Wintle must have a private barber down town. Browning Why so? Lindsay Because he always has his hair cut in the same place. Prof. McKay (in Eng. literature) Where did Shakespeare get his material for Hamlet, William? Bartlett (blankly) He bought it I suppose. Wintle If I should lend you ten dollars today and ten tomorrow, what would you have? Belnap A fit. Prof. Terry (in theology) Where do yon expect to go when you die? Hansen To the graveyard. Prof. McKendrick (in theology) David, what have you got out of the Book of Mormon? Berlin I've got out of the biggest part of the assigned lessons. Prof. Lind (in botany) Do they mine any valuable ores in England? Bartlett No sir, they manufacture them for the boat races on the Thames. Jos. Johnson (in grammar class) There are many sounds that please the. ear; as breakfast, dinner, supper. Prof. Ballantyne Reuben, what is a minor? Saunders A person not of age. Prof. B. Well, what is a flat? Saunders A tenement house. Prof. McKay (in elocution) What is the moral purpose of Shakespeare's "As You Like It?" Allen You get some idea of how to read Shakespeare. CHARACTERS IMMORTALIZED BY OUR GREAT AUTHORS. Heber Foulger Fat boy in Dickens' "Pickwick Papers." George Owens Dickens' "Oliver Twist." Joseph Stimpsmi Irvingfs Ichabod Crane in the "Legend of' Sleepy Hollow." Reuben Saunders Irving's "Rip Van Winkle." Eva Hetzler H. B. Stowe's Little Eva in "Uncle Tom's Cabin." Glenna WotherspoonDickens' Little Nell in "Old Curiosity Shop." Emmett Browning Mark Twain's "Tom Sawyer." Edwin Peterson Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn." Prof. Terry Shakespeare's "Caesar." Maud Singleton Whittier's "Barbara Freitchie." For your Books, China, Church Works, Cut Glass, Albums, Pencils, Ink, etc., Ross Book Store IS THE PLACE to PURCHASE Photography The Latest in Every Branch. Colodio Carbons. Aresto Platino Platinums. Group work a specialty. H. H. Thomas, 2457 Washington Ave.