SHATTERED GOLD He says it's not dignified for me to sit on the stairs. I used to sit here all the time when mother was giving her parties in the parlor. I sat here during that last party when I was ten, half my life ago. I used to be able to sit on this step and look down into almost the whole parlor; I could peek around the corner of the banister post and see the whole room, but, I can only see part of the floor now; the rest of the room is cut off by the top of the door frame. It's the same door, too. Put when I was little I could see-I know; if I put my head down on my knees, when I was a child I was shorter than I am now. I can see the whole parlor if I just put my head down to my ten-year old size. No one could see me when I sat here. They saw mother though. The sun is still coming in through the west windows. The light sinks into the walls and seeps into the floor so evenly, but, there aren't any shiny spots of shattered gold like the candle-light. There were candles in the parlor then, there were at all the parties. They made bright patches all over the room, Mother liked the candles; so did Hanna. Hanna said that she heard that at Victoria's coronation there were so many candles they couldn't be counted. Someone said that, they said that, Mother, they said that her whole family-- 24 Doctor Gordon says there's no hereditary connection in madness. He says it's all right to have a guest in today; he says; I don't want to go away like-- "Miss Alice, where are you?" Hanna can't see me. She's bringing something from the kitchen for the party; she's happy about this party; she's been lonely but I couldn't let them come and see me. Hanna liked the parties more than Mother did. Mother didn't like them at all, but Father said we had to have them. Hanna has wood for the fireplace. A fire will make things so much like the patties; there was a fire then; it was the brightest spot in the room, flickering gleams all bunched together; but the candles were bright shattered spots with --- The ax! Hanna has the ax! "Miss Alice, what are you doing? You know Doctor Gordon isn't going to be happy if he finds out you've been sitting on those stairs again." I didn't think she could see me on the stairs, she couldn't when I was little; no one could; they saw Mother, but- "Miss Alice, are you coming down?" "Hanna, don't, please take those things into the parlor." "Of course, Miss Alice. Now you come down off those stairs. You're going to muss your pretty dress. Your Mother didn't ever muss her dresses and you want to--" "Hanna, take those things out of here. Please!" "What are you jumping like that for? I just held out my hand to help you down." "Take it away, Hanna." "What, ma'm?" "The ax." "You know that Doctor Gordon said you weren't supposed to be afraid of axes anymore, Miss Alice. " "Please take those things in the other room, Hanna. They will be here soon, and, I want to - straighten up before they get here." Her shadow is a rug over the 25