10 THE ACORN. wherein we can show respect come in our every day school life. Remember the words of our principal last Friday morning-, and try to make your life, and the lives of your fellow-men happier by respecting the rights of others. THE NEW STENOGRAPHER I have a new stenographer she came to work today, She told me that she wrote the Pittman system, Two hundred words a minute seemed to her, she said, like play, And word for word at that she never missed 'em! I gave her some dictation a letter to a man, And this, as I remember it, was how the letter ran: "Dear Sir! I have your favor? and in reply would state That I accept the offer in yours of recent date. I wish to say, however, that under no condition Can I afford to think of your free lance proposition. I shall begin tomorrow to turn the matter out; The copy will be ready by August 10th, about. Material of this nature should not be rushed unduly, Thanking you for your favor, I am yours very truly." She took it down in shorthand with apparent ease and grace, She didn't call me back, all in a flurry. Thought I, "At last I have a girl worth keeping round the place;" Then said, "Now write it out you needn't hurry." The Smith Premier she tackled now and then she struck a key, And after thirty minutes, this is what she handed me: "Deer sir, I have the Feever, and any Pill would Do And I except the Offer as you Have reason two, I wish to see however, That under any condition Can I for to Think of a free lunch preposishun? I Shall be in tomorrow To, turn the mother out. The cap will be red and Will cost, $10, about. THE ACORN. 11 Mateeriul of this nation should not rust N. Dooley Thinking you have the Feever I am Yours very Truely." How much better it is to have a chap alone than to have a chaperone. Ex. Few women can swim, because they can't keep their mouths shut. Ex. LOCALS. Prof. Lind (telling of past mining experiences). In Arizona where I was engaged- (Why were suppressed giggles heard?) Prof. McKendrick, In Geometry class. If the lines A B and C D were produced to a point- Jacobs (interrupting) They would meet. THINGS LOOK DOUBTFUL. Lost By accident, before the Academy dance, a side door key, well worn, belonging to Wm. H. Manning. Finder will please return the same to the custodian's desk, or to "Light Housekeeping" department of the Bachelor's building, and be gratefully rewarded. "Have you heard the terrible discord in our school this year?" "Yes, what's the matter?" "Well, you know the key note of this school is B flat, and Mr. Shurtliff has struck the note above it." A LITTLE LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT. Found After long searching-, a side door key, old and rusty, with initials, "W. H. M." Owner may obtain same by applying to Miss Marion Belnap, and following- example set by Jacob in Genesis 29. Prof. McKay (agitated) What is the good of anything anyway? Heber Foulger. Nothing. Mr. S. Tin Com. Law Class, with book open and finger following the lines.) Students, please close books, and recite from memory.