A MODEST, WELL MANNERED CREW A Bit of History BY A. PELICAN DURING THE FIRST QUARTER the old excitement in the Pelican-Runt contests which were started last year, was revived. The Pelicans were all fine, big, handsome men, who stood over six feet-two in their socks. (The fact that no Pelican ever had a whole pair of socks on his feet at any one time does not alter the truth of this statement at all.) Anyway, the Pelicans were all big, fine, handsome men and they naturally won from the Runt aggregation which was composed of small boys of five feet or under. However, some of the small boys were quite husky in their own way, and it was no uoncmmon sight to see a small boy measuring five feet in height and four and one-half feet in width. Although Fatty Robinson did not have the pleasure of our company during the first quarter he had a worthy prototype in the person of Rulon Beus who possessed quite a manly girth until he associated himself with the new director of the gymnasium. Since then he has been reduced to half size. Anyway, the Pelicans were all big, fine, handsome men and the first fracas which they entered was a flag rush. In this they won an overwhelming victory inasmuch as one of their number was the last remaining man in the ring. As this man was a large man and as he was pulled to the margin of the ring the Pelicans considered that they had won by a large margin. NOTICE THOSE MOUTHS The next encounter was a pie eating contest. The affair was announced as such, but when the time came for the mighty mastication it was found that some reprobate, probably a Runt, had absconded with the pastry. Mrs. Tanner was not to be daunted by this interference, however, so she took the dryest biscuits she could find, stuck a raisin in the top of each, and called it a raisin pie. In the subsequent slaughter the Pelicans again won out. The third and final contest was a drinking bout. The affair was progressing nicely in favor of the Pelicans until the last man on each team came up. It seemed that the Runt needed only to touch the bottle in order to empty it. This miraculous demonstration so nonplussed the Pelican contestant who already had a good start that he was never able to finish the drink. In the investigation which followed it was definitely proved that the Runts, in accordance with their usual low practices, had enlisted the aid of a professional to help them win the contest. This was the last straw, and the Pelicans, who were all big, fine, handsome men refused to participate with the Runts in any more encounters.