18 THE ACORN Heber Foulger: "And so the shadow wailed." Carrie Anderson: "I feel an indisposition of sleep come upon me." Shakespeare. Prof. Ballantyne: "He wales (wails) a portion with judicious care." Burns. Prof. Bradford: "Men must be taught as if you taught them not, And things unknown proposed as things forgot." Pope. LOCAL. The forbidden fruit that caused the fall of Adam must have been a banana peeling. Olsen "What are chopsticks, kindling wood?" Johnson "No, ax handles." Mr. Bind (In Taylor Canyon) Let's see, it's twenty minutes to five; now all you who have to hurry will have to hurry. It has been said that Lyons is so fond of the smell of carnations that he scents his button hole flower with oil of cloves. Basket ball season has evidently given away for the baseball sports. Down in singing class some one got a bass bawl-out, the other day. The social given in honor of Prof. Nelson was a grand success and one long to be remembered by all present. The Committees are to be complimented on the arrangements and artistic decorations. We all regret Prof. Nelson's leaving us as he has been a faithful worker in bringing our school to its present standard. To say that we respected him would not be all, for his kind disposition has won the love of every; student, especially the girls. We wish him every prosperity and pleasure in his missionary labors and will be only too glad to welcome him back again. Prof. Lind (In Physiology) "Edmund, how would you avoid catching consumption while out walking or in company with consumptives?" Furness "I don't know, unless! you'd do as doctors do. Prof Lind "Well, what is that?" Furness "Oh, I don't know what they do." LITERARY. LIZZIE'S SOLILOQUY. To go or not to go; that is the question, Whether 'tis better for one to tramp O'er hills, in search of mud cracks in the rocks, Or to set one's foot down with awful force, And by opposing end it. To go, to walk, No more; and by that walk to say we end The study, and the thousand discouragements Students are heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To go, to walk; To walk; perchance give out; ay, there's the rub; For in that path we tread what stones may be 'Gainst which to stub our toes, and fall, perhaps, Must give us pause: there's the respect THE ACORN 111 That makes those trips of so great terror; For who would bear the sun's scorching rays, The illmannered wind, the locks of displaced hair, The choking dust storms, the professor's jokes, The lack of time to quench the thirst for the rocks Seem most important with Professor Lind When he himself might his comfort enjoy By staying at home? Who would specimens bear To grunt and sweat under a heavy load But that the dread of something afterward Failure in geology, which has been So surely promised puzles the will, And makes us rather go in spite of all, Than take the punishment to come. Thus threatenings do make cowards of us all; And thus the idea of playing truant Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of fear, And resolutions of great pith and moment, With this regard their currents turn awry And lose the name of action. SIMON SIMS. "What red headed kid is that driving them cows?" said one of the boys in a crowd on the street corner. "I don't know who he is; but he don't live fer from our place, and he does chores for Jones' folks," came from the biggest boy in the crowd. Poor Simon Sims saw the boys and knew they were talking about him. He was not very large for his age, and rather odd looking. His trousers looked as though they might have been his father's. An old faded hat hid his bright red hair, all but at the top of his head, and there a lock of hair stuck out of a hole. The freckles on his face reminded one of a speckled hen. Simon was very unfortunate; his father and mother had been very poor and had died leaving him nothing. He had just come to the city to get any little job he could. Mr. Jones hired him to do the chores for him. He would milk the cows and then drive them to the meadow, which was out of town. Simon took the world easy and was always happy. Soon those boys who were on the street corner got acquainted with him, and as Simon expected they began to play jokes on him. Simon slept in the barn, and one night Tom Jones aroused him in bed with a bucket of water. Simon in return, the next night washed Tom's in mud. One night Joe Barns took Simon down the field and, while they were talking, he got him to sit on an ant bed. Simon awoke Joe in bed, the next night, with a hornet's nest. Joe Barns, the leader of the crowd, had all the boys meet together in an old barn and plan to scare or get a good joke on Simon. Simon was usually late coming home with his cows and it was decided that Joe would go to his place and make him later than ever. Then all the boys would dress in sheets and wait for Simon as he came back with his cows. All this was done and Simon Sims was later than ever. The boys had waited there so long that they began to grow nervous. At last they saw the cows coming with Simon on a horse behind them. Soon the cows began to pass