Page 22 Scribulus LIN-OTRIPE A gray old man was sitting once An thinkin' of days long past, Of the days when teachers laughed and joked, And a guy could sluff a class. He thought of all the gals he'd known and Of their looks and smiles. He thought of all the pals he'd had and Of their crooks and wiles. "'S a funny thing," the old bird said, A-reachin' up a paw, An' grabbin' up a slug o' beer, An' convey in' it to his jaw, "I been thinkin' night and day, For forty years in fact, An' after all this ruminatin', I've come on somethin' luminatin' To explain the way they act. "You need much more," the old man sighed, Than pictures and such things. You gotta know the guy inside. An' why he bawls or sings. You gotta watch, you gotta see, you even have to lurk. You gotta plum beneath the skin and see what makes him work. "An' when all the explorin's over with, An' all their ways are tabled, There's but one conclusion you can make: Their very lives are labeled. For no matter who the gal is, No matter what the boy, "No matter who says, 'I'm different!' Or, 'I'm the real McCoy,' Just as sure as shootin', When the time is come and ripe, There's none that's high fallutin'. They all run true to type. "I've got them here all listed. Now that all is said, From the men typed "Two-Fisted," To the dumbest of coed. So here at last you see 'em From me, the guy what knows; Behold the types that follow. I wisht they was in prose." "Equal Rights" Advocate: "O, please go way, you great big bear; I want to be alone. For this, you lug, is leap year, And men simply won't 'walk home'." Conservative Coed: A reserved little miss who knows her stuff. Not too may clothes, but just enough! The Student: She is rather unfamiliar; And her life is very bare. Her thoughts, they are peculiar, And her species very rare. Figure Queen: Never asks for company never is alone; Only lines she studies are her very own. Radical Coed: Looks like a, pirate, Defies every snob, And when she gets irate, She swears like a gob. Professor's Pet: Likes to sit pretty on a front row. Never answers questions, but thinks she's in the know. Once upon a time I think she was a Soph-Opened up her text book out flew a moth! College Waitress: I'm tired of waiting! Oh, how I hate the food! Buf if I keep on baiting, I'm sure I shall mate good. Intellectual: A quaint little gal is Miss Brains, Who, as the head of the class always reigns. Her vanity I know Is much like my toe: It's never sore, but it pains. Matronly Coed: Six years at college not one date. Won't be long now till it's too late. Stenog Coed: Oft' in the cold of a lonesome night, Both desolate and bleak, The wandering Steno hoves into sight A wad of gum in each cheek. Mannish Type: Wears baggy trousers, better known as tweeds. Smokes cigarettes, better known as weeds! Spring Issue Page 23 Private Secretary: Hair bobbed low on a thin long neck, Hands all free of the tiniest speck; Feet encased in number nines Make footprints on the sands of time. Serious Coed: College men who laugh at us Should really have a heart, For we girls simply must grow up, And learn to do our part. Coke Menace: Anything with me is oke, If only I may have a coke. Likely to succeed: A lovely thing a new-born faction Is this lovely miss elate; Gives all her thoughts to instant action And never stops to speculate. Angelic Coed: I have a little baby face, Innocence is my name And on my walks from place to place, The guys say, "What a dame!" Morbid Coed: O, for the empassioned search for truth, That was thine in yester-year, But, alas, 'tis gone 'tis dead in youth. For I, the Coed, am here! Vacillating Type: I really know what time it is, But for you I shall agree, That even though it's daylight, We'll say it's only three. Personality Plus: I don't know what you've done, my lass, To make me all a-twitter, But if there's one just half so fast, I've never seen the critter. Ecstatic: Pantywaist or great big brute, All she says is, "O' how cute!" Now the ferns are over. Their attributes are shown, But the men are undercover, And I think they should be known. They too deserve the pleasure, Before we have to close, But to properly take their measure It'll have to be in prose. Play-Boy: Takes pride in being thought a dashing young blood. Owns a suit for every occasion. Keeps his women all numbered and catalogued. Makes an ideal host for parasitic spungers. Is excellent at dancing, crooning, and uttering pleasant nothings in delicate pink ears. (Editor's note: Change word "every" in the second line to "each". I have a suit for "every" occasion.) Bookworm: Horn-rimmed specs. Has that myopic moribund look. Very untidy in his dress. Inclined to be shy in the presence of ladies. Destined to sell shoes to fat women in twenty years or to expounding pro-lifically to anemic spinsters the glory of an unbound personality. Athletic: "The Hero". Runs to broad shoulders and small hips. Wanders about sans tie, with shirt open exposing powerful neck unconsciously flexing his muscles to the worshipping eyes of an admiring throng. Studies confined to three-hour courses making sure that there are no hitches such as labs or term papers connected with them. Usually ends up selling bonds or insurance with only a thumb-worn scrap book to console him at nights. The athlete's "Song of Victory" follows: I mightn't know my syntax, And my spellin's not so hot, But v/hen it comes to readin', I sure can put the shot. Radical: He of the wild eye and storm-tossed hair, the leather lungs and high-strung nerves. Usually seen standing off alone with that smoldering look in his eyes. Restless, unsatiable, he longs for something, he knows not what, so long as it breaks the dreary monotony of his drab life. Alas! His kind limited to single editions per school. Efficiency-plus: Always running around doing things well. Believes in giving his one-and-all for his "dear ol' Rutgers". Typified excellently by your correspondent. (Editor's note: That's what you think!) Woman-Hater: Limited to two types those who hate to be away from women, and those who think they hate women. The first can be recognized by that fawny "don't leave me, ever," look. The second the would-be celibate carries that cynical look on his phys, whenever in the proximity of two "that way" about each other. Class one incurable. Class two subject to change without notice.