MAMMOTH JUNE SALE Owing to a Surplus Stock I Am Compelled to Sacrifice the Following Bargains on the Matrimonial Counter: SECOND-HAND MACHINE Much used but recently reno- vated. Long, lean chassis, poor upholstering and faulty heart ac- tion. Glaring red headlight and squeeky horn. Assets: well trained and won't backfire. Given free to first caller. Name: VARD L. TANNER LATEST MODEL ALL-YEAR- ROUND CAR Smooth-running and well-be- haved; well proportioned; de- lightfully pleasing to the eye and decorated in accord with the latest style. Color: brown with black top. A dandy machine for a fas- tidious young lady. Name: R. STANLEY RHEES SNAPPY GENTLEMAN'S ROADSTER of wonderful appearance. First of its kind on market. Upholstering, finish and design of expert work- manship. Easily the peer of all cars. just the thing for a family of two. Price is high, but car can- not be duplicated. Name: PAT CHAMBERLIN Come Early and Avoid the Rush. CASH ONLY I. A. M. CUPID ACORN WANT COLUMN WANTED-A man. Race, creed or color no bar. Must be loving and wear long pants. Apply in person for inspection and trial to Arvilla Parry, 4-1 Boy, Maiden Lane. FOR SALE-My complete collection of craps, cards, matching pennies, etc. Have married money and won't need same.-Fritz Hinckley. FOR RENT-One good head. Exter- ior pleasing and of good design. Interior never has been occupied and contains plenty of room. Just the place to store an extra set of brains. For further information apply to John Emmett. WILL TRADE-Bill Kasius for nice, quiet young man with black hair and long arms. Reason for change: Bill's fiery hair attracts too much at- tention when we sit in the park at night.-Lottie Hammer. DESIRED-A wife with a million. Must be extremely beautiful and cultured, own three homes, have a car and must love me in the manner to which I have been accustomed. Will guarantee to love and cherish until the million is spent. Reason for desire: Am too lazy to work.-John Croft, the Perfect Lover. Acorn want ads bring results. We married Cleopatra to Horace Gales; traded the Rocky Mountains for the Mississippi river; sold a half interest in the moon to King George and rented a car to Henry Ford. What can we do for you? Our prices are plenty. HORSES THAT BARK Country Notice It is forbidden to tie horses to trees, as they bark, and thus destroy the trees. ? * WOMEN'S WORK Mrs. Tanner-This paper says that eigh- ty-five thousand women are now employed by the railway systems of the United States. Mr. Tanner-Hardly proper work for women, 1 should say. Mrs. Tanner-Why, who's had more ex- perience in looking after trains and switches than women, I'd just like to know? * * What is a home without a mother? An incubator, I guess. TOO QUIET Husband-That new maid is certainly quiet. One would never know that she was about the place. Wife-She isn't. She left this morning. Mary (In Ensign Drug)-My hair is falling out. Can you recommend some- thing to keep it in? Emmett-Certainly. Get a box. HELP WANTED Lois, was saying her prayers. "And, please, God," she petitioned, "make Boston the capital of Vermont." "Why, Lois!" exclaimed her shocked mother. "What made you say that?" "Cause I made it that way on my ex- amination-papers to-day and I want it to be right." KNEW ONLY ONE KIND Mary-Fess up now that you men like talkative women as well as you do others. Fritz-What others? WHAT COUNTS "The amount of money a fellow's father has doesn't seem to cut much figure here." "No, it's the amount of the father's money the son has." BUT SOMETIMES WORDS FAIL Manning-What do you call a man who plays a saxophone? Nichols-It depends on how rotten he is. THREATENED CONFLAGRATION He-Croft's girl has money to burn. She-Yes, I hear she's looking for a match. LOVE LOGIC "Gwendolyn, I love you; "To prove you love me: "1. 1 love you. "2. All the world loves a lover. "3. But I am a lover. "4. Therefore, all the world loves me. "5. You are all the world to me. "6. "Mabel is a thief." "No! What makes you think so?" "She steals away from devotional every day." Cox-She told me I could kiss her on either cheek. Davis-And you--? Cox-1 hesitated a long time between them. * A wart on an apple is worth two on the nose. His LINE "What do you work at, my poor man?" "At intervals, lady." Vard L.-A pleasant woman. Is she un- married? -Male-Yes. Twice. STREET CAR CASUALTY A man was found dead beside one of the street car tracks in Ogden the other day. Probably starved to death waiting for his car. "They say he lives on the fat of the land." "Yep, he makes an anti-fat cure." Maude- The first thing I sent to a mag- azine was accepted. Veta-Was it poetry or prose? Maude-Neither. It was a check for a year's subscription. PRESERVING HIS DIGNITY Daughter (having just received a beau- tiful set of mink skins from her father) - What I don't see is how such wonderful furs can come from such a low, sneaking little beast. Father- I don't ask for thanks, dear, but I really insist on respect. A REMEDY Mary Fisher She has technique. Marge-Oh, couldn't she do something for it?