"THERE'S A REASON" YOU ARE HEREBY FLUNKED!! SIGNED, SHURTLIFF "THE MACHINE YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BUY" "HIS MASTER'S VOICE" PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE KEY HOLE JUNIOR "THE INSPECTOR IS BACK OF EVERY BOTTLE" MILK FRESHIE "OBEY THAT IMPULSE" "THE MEMORY LINGERS" WEBER 48 OPPONENTS OPPONENTS 13 ACORN 26 The Cause of The War In the first place a Servian Socialist got drunk and killed an Austrian nobleman and his escort or maybe it was his consort. Anyway, it was some sort. Austria then got hot under the collar over the incident and said to Servia: "See here now, we don't want any of that rough stuff. I want to be a father to you. Come into the wood shed." Russia was peeping through the fence when she heard the conversation, and saw what was going on, said to Austria: "Don't you dare to touch that kid; he's my kid, and anyhow you'd make a hell of a looking daddy!" "You got another think comin'," answered Austria. "I don't like the color of your eyes anyhow, and your feet don't track; and, besides, I can lick you with one hand tied." "Bully boy," said Wilhelm to Austria. "If you can't lick him, I can, and by gosh I'll do it. I can lick anybody; why I can lick everybody. We'll take him on together." So Germany slips up to France when she ain't looking and lands with both feet right in the middle of Belgium. "Get off my stomach," says Belgium, "or I'll bite your leg off." "Ouch," says Germany. "But I'll get off when I get ready." "That's not fair," says France. "Take that, you slob," handing Germany a hot one on the snoot. "I hate a scrap," says England, "but I can smash the jaw of the guy that slaps my friend." "You don't hate it worse than I do," says Japan, as she squares off for a hand in the game. "Well, I guess you started it, anyhow," says Wilhelm to Nick. Just then everybody begins to yell, "You started it yourself," and each one sticks out his tongue at the other fellow and they all clinch, and the little fellows begin to dance around watching for a chance to get in a punch and run. So there you are. Ex. Wilson in New Test "For tomorrow write a theme on the Golden Rule." Walt Read "Which part, the shoe department or the clothing department?" There was a young lady from Kent, Whose grammar was terribly bent; She said to her flame, "I'm so glad you have came, But I'll miss you so much when you've went." Ex. A little boy was kept in after school to learn the directions. He stood up with his face toward the north, when the teacher asked him all the directions but the south. She said: "What is that behind you, Johnny?" And Johnny answered: "I knew it, I told ma you would see that patch."