PHUNISMS We would like to inform Bro. Manning and Elda that the halls are not a courthouse. Be a hero; write something for the "Acorn." Prof. Ballantyne (in choir rehearsal) "Now open your mouths, hold your breath and let go." Freshie "What makes the Seniors act like they own the school?" Delia "They do, little one." Blessed is he who writes for the "Acorn," for he shall get his money's worth. Jensen "Didn't I tell you to be prepared in history, and here you are unable to repeat a word of it." Scholar "I didn't think it was necessary. I have always heard that history repeats itself." Bro. Manning (in Botany) "Why can't potatoes and onions grow close together?" Mattie Stone "Because the onion gets in the potato's eyes and stops its progress." Mrs. Shurtliff (in English) "Use 'appoint' in a sentence." Freshman "A man sat down on a point and arose." Freshman (after drinking a quart of milk) "Gee, but I'll bet it's sport to be a calf." No one looks for achievement in a man who always has an excuse for failure. ACORN 24 Father "Why were you and Carl C. so late last night?" Vera's small brother "They were talking about kith and kin." Father "How do you know, Eliot?" Eliot "Well, I peeked in the parlor door and I heard Carl say, 'Can I kith you?' and Vera said, 'You kin.' " Ex. Small Caroline's home was unfortunately located in a very gossipy neighborhood and, being an observant child, she had drawn her own conclusions. After an unusually naughty prank her mother sent her upstairs to confess her sins in prayer. "Did you tell God all about it?" she was asked on coming down again. Caroline shook her head decided. "'Deed I didn't!" she declared. "Why it would have been all over Heaven in no time!" Ex. What the boys of Weber should say about the girls of Weber: "We admire them for their beauty, respect them for their intelligence, adore them for their virtue, and love them because we can't help it." Girls, live up to it! Bro. Terry, while on his marketing tour heard the following in a butcher shop: "Come, John, be lively now, break the bones in Bro. Manning's chops and put Doc. Lind's ribs in the basket for him." "All right, sir, just as soon as I have sawed off Mrs. Johnson's leg." Ex. Bro. Manning to Elda: "I wish I were an elephant And you a bale of hay; I'd tuck you in my rubber trunk And carry you away." Crumb "Where do you get your hats, old man?" Pete "At cafes, usually. But once or twice I've been lucky enough to exchange at church." Mrs. Watson "Oh, Male, dear, do order a mouse tray to be sent home today." Male. "But you bought one last week." Wife "Yes, dear, but there's a mouse in that one." Naomi (in Science) "Could you get a shock by holding onto the receiver of a telephone?" Doc. "It depends upon who is talking."