Phunisms Vera J. was eating peanuts on the day of our celebration; Harold B. came up to her and said: "Down south they use peanuts to fatten hogs." "Do they?" asked Vera. "Here, have some." Selected. Pardoe (in rehearsal) Ronald, don't prance around like a Shetland pony; it isn't good horse-sense. Dixon to Wilson "It's the little things that tell." Wilson "Yes, Mary's got a little sister." Selected. Jones (in physics, opening his laboratory book) "Whew! Look at the red; rah, rah. Look at the marks; rah, rah. Look at the ink; Doc's ink. Look at the F's., the F's. Look at the E's., the E's. Look at the flunk, I flunk. Look at the ink Doc. spilt." Violet Anderson (on car coming from Plain City, after Ren Williamsen had been talking ten minutes without pausing) "Who dropped the nickel in Ren?" "Where does the smell of burning rubber come from?" "Oh, it's that Soph, with his neck against the steam pipe." Prof. Wilson "Miss Bowns, give the principal parts of the verb set." Iras "Set, setting and hatched." Pardoe to Red (in rehearsal) "Keep your eyes off the floor. You'll run slivers in them." Wilson "What would you do if you were on the edge of the Grand Canyon and you wanted a drink?" Sanders "Take a straw." Violet A "Say, Florabel, who cracked that joke in theology yesterday?" Florabel "I don't know, ask Ren Williamsen, he laughed." Violet "Well, then, he was the one who cracked it." Selected. ACORN 28 Croft (in Senior play rehearsal) "What are you laughing at me for?" Williamsen "I'm not laughing at you; I'm laughing at a good joke." Pardoe (as a hen cackled outside) "Foul language out there." Wilson (to Mary J. at the Hotel Utah on Friday 12th) "I wonder if there are any roomers in the hotel?" Mary "No, but there will be plenty of rumors after we leave." Selected. Wilson "Reta never married, because she knew that is she did, him and her would be one, and he would be it." Selected. Warren Hussy "Do you get board where you are rooming?" Lindsay "Yes, terribly bored; there isn't a Jane in the place." Selected. Dixon "How many of you students file your papers?" Victor Critchlow "I don't I chew the corners." A maid A man A fan A seat upon the stair; A stolen kiss Six weeks of bliss, And forty years of care. Ex. Doc. to Stevens "If you would concentrate your mind for one minute on the subject, you wouldn't ask such meaningless questions." Critch. "Naw, Doc, he's just trying to crack a joke." Jones "Bring him over here, and I'll crack the joke." Freshie (looking at Math, figures) Gee, this teacher must be a baby, look at his play things." Dr. Lind in Algebra "How may I get rid of this fraction?" Wilmer "Erase it." Two chambermaids were talking about banging their hair. One asked the other if she banged her hair. "Yes, Mary," she said; "I keep banging my hair, but it don't stay bung."