THE SUBSTITUTE Here's hats off to the substitute A dumb looking unintelligent brute Who sweats and slaves in practice each day Then sits on the bench while his team-mates play A tackling dummy during the week This guy with eyes so mild and meek Mo glory for him, and yet no harm, For he is keeping the benches warm. The Sports Writers he'll never meet No women sweep him off his feet No mobs for him do cheer and root For he's just a lowly substitute. Each time the first team wins a game They are covered with praise and raised to fame, But half of the glory, you bet your boot, Should go to the lowly substitute. For he is giving his "Widow's Mite." To teach the first team how to fight He gets his bruises and battered shins In teaching the first team how to win, So in the glorious aftermath When you've cheered the hero, who played left-half Stand on your feet and give a shout For the lowly sub who played "left-out." (In commemoration of the hours I spent on the end of the bench.) The Weber Bum TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR FOOTBALL PLAYERS R. A. D. K. E. Knapp, Jr. 1. Love the opponent as thyself--but love thyself mighty blooming little. 2. Thcu shall not kill, but thou may break as many ribs as deems convenient. 3. Do not unto others as you would have them do unto you, but do up the others bef re they have a chance to do up you. 4. When a man smites thee on the left cheek, turn upon him thy right hand and send for an ambulance. 5. When a man getteth the pigskin leave him not to enjoy his victory, but down him and pound him for his trouble. 6. Honesty is the best policy, but never hesitate to swipe the ball when you get a chance. 7. Thou shall not covet thy opponent's weight, nor his hair, nor his nose guard, but thou shall covet his pigskin with all thy might, mind, and strength. 8. When thou hast the ball, stray not into by or forbidden paths, but take a straight and narrow course for the goal and if anyone oppose thy progress thou shalt give him a straight arm hard enough to send thirteen molars on a voyage down his alimentary canal. 9. Let not thy line be made of lumber wagons for such are easily cut through. 10. Let the best men be called half-backs, and thy worst men draw-backs.