THE RELATIVE THEORY Interview with Prof. Robert Onestein Allison William (News Nose) Smiley Question: Prof. Onestein, will you give me, in as few words as possible, the meaning of your famous relative theory? A: Certainly-Mother-in-laws are a nuisance. Question: Is that the theory only twelve men understands. A: Yes. Question: How come? I should think any married man would know that. A: Certainly, but when a man gets married, he's not a man any more. He's a worm. Question: Is it true that you have hadd difficulty in establishing the truth of this theory? A: Yes. Question: Why? A: I can't get anyone's mother-in-law for experimentation. Question: Why is that? A: I always promise to return her unharmed. Question: You could make the husband think you were going to inject her with a leprosy microbe. A: Eureka! My pal Eureka! I shall do it!!! End of Interview ADVICE TO THE LOVELORNE -ock- Reported by William "News Nose" Smiley (Percy Prudence) Dear Percy Prudence: I am in love with a wealthy young woman but I have no money and no job. I can't ask her to marry me, because she will think I want her money. What shall I do? Anxious Alfred Dear Al: The best thing for you to do is to forget your scruples. Percy Prudence. Dear Percy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Elda (Dangerous Nan) Skinner Dear Dangerous Nan: I did before I got married. Percy Prudence.