Between a mule and Woodruff Deem There's not a lot of choice However, I just thought 'twould seem (From hearing Woody's voice And glancing a this classic shape And at his graceful feet Which always remind me of an ape) The mule I'd sooner greet. We Call Him: "Bull Dog" Read - Because of his classic features. "Walrus" Edwards - Because no other appellation is deemed fitting. "Old Lady" Tippets - Because his last year's room-mate named him that. "Weasel" Smiley - Because a weasel, being a dumb animal, cannot resent the insult. "Moustache" McCracken - Because of his vain, though valiant effort to convert the downey fuzz on his lip into a he-man pair of handlebars. ADVICE TO THE LOVE LORN - By Percy Prudence Well, well, well, boys and girls, the old advisor once more takes pen in fist to answer the epistles of his little friends and what a nice lot of letters I have received since last year! I am sorry to say that I am not to be allowed space enough to answer all the letters here, so I had to omit those dealing with prohibition and the depression. If your letter is not answered here, Uncle Percy will answer it immediately upon receipt of a stamped, self-addressed envelope and ten dollars currency. And now to work. Here is the first letter: Dear Percy: What do you think of the Delta PPhi's? Van Tanner Answer: Well, Mr, Tanner, that is one question I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might incriminate myself. Percy Prudence. Dear Percy: Since Hortense's boy friend has gone on a mission, I feel that I could tell her a lot of things that might cheer her up. How would you advise me to proceed? Dear - I would say don't bother to proceed. Colin Edwards seems to have gotten the idea first, Percy Prudence. Dear Mr. Prudence: I have been going with one girl for about three years, and we are very much in love, but so far I have been unable to support her so cannot marry her. Can you suggest a plan to action so that the delay won't be any longer than is necessary? W. Littlefield Wattis Dear W.L.P Has the lady got a job? Percy Prudence Dear Mr. Prudence: I've been reading "This Passion called Love" by Elinor Glyn and I don't believe half of it. Do you? Dorothy Watts Lear Miss Watts: Which half are you talking about? Percy Prudence Dear Pal Percy: I'm strangely interested in a blond called Phyllis. It's the strangest feeling but I'm not sure it is love. How can I find out for sure? Marlowe Anderson Dear Marlowe: Marry her and all your doubts will soo disappear. Percy Prudence Dear Mr. Prudence: What is love? Lewis Clark Dear Lewis: Webster defines it as a deep feeling of affection, but Bob Allison says it is what keeps him broke buying enough gas to ride to Twelfth Street. Percy Purdence Mr. Percy Prudence: Do you think it is wise for me to marry Paul when we were both so young? Alice Steples Dear Mrs. Steples: I won't answer because I'd rather keep on being a friend to both of you. Percy Prudence