EXCHANGE He: "I wonder if I dare kiss you on so short an acquaintance?" She: "That's not where I am usually kissed." When John D. Rockefeller was in business in Cleveland, he had a very bright little boy, whom he always kept busy. One day Mr. Rockefeller went out to collect a bill; before leaving he said to the boy, "Well, I suppose the bookkeeper has told you what to do." "Yes sir," piped the lad, "I am to wake him up as soon as I see you comin' back." A man, being asked concerning his familiarity with music replied: "I only know two tunes," "God Save the Weasel" and "Pop goes the Queen." "I am not much of a mathematician" said the cigarette, "but I can add to a man's nervous trouble; I can subtract from his energy; I can multiply his woes; I can divide his attention from his work and I can discount his chances for success." One hundred years ago today With wilderness here, With powder in his gun, the man Went out and got the deer. But now things are somewhat changed And on another plan, With powder on her cheeks the dear Goes out and gets the man. There was a young lady named Maud, Who was so exceedingly odd To eat at the table. She never was able But out in the pantry Oh Lawd! When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye draggon, He sate down furnist a flaggon And, wit ye well Within a spell He had a bier plaisaunt jag on. Clergyman: "My boy, do you know that it is wicked to fish on the Sabbath?" Youngster: "I isn't fishin, I'm teachin' this 'ere wurm to swim." The Dragon: Your department cuts are very clever. THE ACORN 31 Patron (in restaurant): "What are you bothering me for?" Head Waiter: "The gentleman at the next table wanted me to ask if you would please face the other way. He says he was nearly eaten by an alligator once and can't bear to see you eat." Student Life, Heber City. We look forward to your coming each month. The hen that ate a bumble-bee can truly say that hers was a peck of trouble. Blessed are poor in furniture for they will be moved cheap. Who waits for opportunity, And when it meets him, takes it, Is not as good a man as he, Who doesn't wait but makes it. Weary Willie: "Can you swipe a ride under an auto?" Dusty Rhodes: "Naw, that's where the owner stays." Teacher; (to Johnny who had been called up for inattention to scripture lesson). "Who killed Goliath with a stone?" Johnny: "Please sir, I I saw Willie Smith throwing stones." Little Willie, tired of play, Pushed sister in the well one day; Said mother, as she drew the water, "Tis difficult to raise adaughter.' The papers from all our Utah schools are up to their usual high standard. Current Cookery. Waiter: "Yes, sir, we're very hup to date 'ere. We cook heverythink by helec-tricity." Customer: "Oh, do you? Then just give this steak another shock." Not Much by the Day Lady: "What, 38 cents a dozen for eggs? Why, that's more than three cents for one egg." Grocer: "Well, mum, you must remember that one egg is a whole day's work for one hen." Merely a Suggestion An elderly gentleman was riding on a street car the other day. A boy began to laugh and laughed so he couldn't stop. The old gentleman told his mother that the boy needed a spanking, and she replied that she didn't believe in spanking on an empty stomach, whereupon the man said: "Neither do I; turn him over." Anatomical Geography- "Where was he struck by the automobile?' 'asked the coroner. "At the junction of the dorsal and cervical vertebrae," answered the surgeon. "Will you please point that out on the map," asked the coroner, indicating one that hung on the wall.