22 THE ACORN "Pat, do you like lettuce?" "No, I don't, and I'm glad of it, for if I did I'd eat it and I hate the stuff." "Tomorrow we will take the life of Sir Walter Scott. Will the students please come prepared?" Woman's faults are many, Men have only two, Everything they say, And everything they do. "Say, Mara sings like a bird." "Well, she ought to. She talks like a parrot, acts like a goose, and is pigeon toed." Man learns in two ways by doing and by being' done. "Here; yo' Rastus, whar's that can o'lard I tole yo' to git?" "Lor, ma, it was so greasy it done slipped my mind." HALF-MINUTE ROMANCE. The little boy sat on the park bench arid swung his feet. "I'll tell you what my name is if you'll tell me yours." he said. "Well, what is it?" asked the little girl. "Lemme Kishew. What's yours?" "Allie Wright." And she dug her little toes iri the ground and waited. Recipe to remove paint: Sit on it before it is dry. Teacher "Who dropped that penny? Are you guilty, Thomas?" Thomas (who picked it up) No; I'm in-a-cent." THE ACORN 23 Old Gent "I want to get copies of your paper for a week back." Editor "Have you tried plasters?" Doctor (visiting a boy who has swallowred three nickels, four dimes and a penny) "How's the boy?" Anxious mother "No change yet, doctor." Wiggs "Speaking of facial characteristics, do you know that I was once taken for Roosevelt?" Biggs "And a man once mistook me for the Kaiser." Diggs "That's nothing, a few weeks ago an old school chum of mine stepped up to me and remarked: 'Holy Moses, is that you?'" (Lady after the tramp finishes eating) "It's merely a suggestion the woolpile is in the back yard." Tramp "You don't say! What a splendid place for a woodpile!"