Mother. can eat without me today. It’ll be all right today. I—I well, like. to have lunch with you.” _ Natalie smiled up at him and I'd flut- shine. He completely forgot that his mother waited at home for him while the beef broth soup simmered on the stove. tered her eyelashes once as she curved her arm around his. ~ They walked toward the town, and the pale sunlight changed to rainbows in the crystal remains of the snow. The clouds looked like tooth- paste smeared across a blue porcelain sky. ae “It's beautiful Natalie for winter, isn’t it?” said. Nathan looked around at the sky and inhaled.a long stream of air. He breathed out slowly as he said, “It’s all sort of washed and polished, like it’s new and waiting for something to happen.” i “That's really nice, Lance.’ She looked up at him, and then past his face. “It’s a brand new day and just waiting for us to happen.” She laughed, and her laughter was bubbly and soft; and it infected Nathan until he laughed too. In a small cafe, they sat at a round table with a red checkered table cloth and wire backed chairs. Violin music accompanied by an organ drifted from an unseen place. The waitress in a flowered cotton dress. served them. Nathan could smell things from the kitchen, the salty sweet smell of tomatoes, frying hamburger, and the stifling bland smell of flour and dust. He sat at the table and ate what was brought to him. Now and then he touched her hand without noticing how. Nathan felt a vibrant feeling welling inside of him. The limpness of his muscles seemed to move to the outer edges of him and leave the core as an empty, shimmer- ing vibrancy. He laughed at her funny words. Happy tears made his eyes That night as Nathan walked home, he did not see the after-sunset glow of the sky. The winter air did not affect him. He walked with his arms swinging; the fur of his coat sleeves brushed his arms. His breath misted unnoticed before his eyes. He strolled up the steps, almost whistling, and opened the door. His mother’s voice rang out. Her smooth voice was salted with something that Nathan had never heard before. “Nathan, I’m in the parlor. Would you come in here, please.” Nathan walked across the hall and stopped in the doorway to the parlor. He could smell the sweet smell of his mother’s face powder. The strength of it in the room made his breath seem to clot in his throat. He stood still in the doorway and breathed shallowly with his mouth clenched shut. He looked at the piano, Its wood shone in the small light of the alcove. Black silk seemed to veil the far corners in shadow. His mother sat in the chair at the foot of the alcove. She wore the black dress she had not worn since the week of her husband’s funeral thirteen years before. The wide waves of her hair had the texture of steel wool. Her pointed nose and the skin above her eyebrows puckered as if a spot of grapefruit had just stung her eye. Her eyes looked like the wet blue sky through crusted ice. The red-beaded flesh of her cheeks vibrated with the tense set of her jaw. She nodded her head almost imperceptibly as if she were afraid to move and more afraid to be still. Nathan looked down to her hands as she clutched the arms of the chair. The backs of her hand glistened, and (26) they trembled in grasp of wood. spite of the tight Nathan looked to her thin lips. She spoke. Her voice faltered after each word, “Where were you at lunch? You've never done this to me before.” Nathan When he stepped swallowed, into the the room. thick smell of face powder got into his throat and strangled him. He fought to swallow. His neck muscles grew taut, and they quivered. He stretched out his hand. The fur of his coat sleeve dwarfed his palm and fingers. He stepped closer to her. “Mother I—l. . .” “Do you know that | waited for you?” He voice rose in intensity with a steady calmness. “ | didn’t even eat because | didn’t want to eat without you.” “Mother, please, I’m sorry. What can I| say? I’m sorry.” His breath came short and fast. He looked with a quick darting glance at the veiled corners of the room. Her words flowed to him like lumps in thick gravy. “Where did you go?” “Mother, I’m sorry, | can’t—I.” He stretched his hands to her, palms up, until his wrists extended past the ruff of black fur of his coat. His legs felt stiff as if the muscles had suddenly turned to bloodless plywood. He lowered his hands and clinched them into fists at his sides. “Mother,” he slowly and went on. “You could have vesd the forty-five minutes you wasted to practice the piano, to prepare you for the greatness that is to come.” Nathan looked at the piano. The ivory keys stood out in the pale light as gleaming teeth, laughing and mocking teeth. Nathan knew it then. He knew that the piano was mockery, and his mother lived and reveled in that mockery. He gazed at the piano. His eyes widened. Vertical lines deepened at the bridge of his nose as he tipped his head to the side. He could hear his mother’s voice droning .. . “To think of all the luxury and enjoyment I’ve given up to help you with your work. I’ve been here all the time you’ve needed me.” She stood up slowly and used the chair for support. The beads on her corpulent cheeks joined to make a heavy flush on her face. White pinched circles surrounded her eyes. Nathan ments. He could see her head nod and her cheeks wobble. She clutched the chair arm. “You met a girl. You repay me by forgetting “A girl.” Her voice squeaked as she started up, too quickly for her age and size. She fell back into the seat. “So you met a girl and left me waiting because you didn’t think. Oh, I’m sorry if | can’t accept that story with any sympathy.” She calmed her voice (27) | even exist,” she said. “I’ve been here. I’ve used the money your father left in insurance for lessons.” “| know, said. “| met a girl.” His voice broke “Please, Mother, | met a girl. | didn’t think.” looked at her. He could see that she fought for her steady move- | know,” Nathan moaned. “You'll be great. | can see it. Can’t you see, that’s why | did it? Because you can be great.” She relaxed her grip on the chair, and moved toward him. The color of her face smoothed and paled. She smiled, but her eyes remained marble-like. She reached out and touched his forehead. She smoothed the thin strand of hair back of his forehead, then dropped her hand and to his shoui-