THE BRAIN TRUST The gayest faculty story of the year is related by Eva BROWNING: "T was sitting at peace in my study one afternoon, meditating on how little the average student knows about the library, when in walks Nancy BARKER. "You know, Eva, 'she says, 'I just found out I've made a ghastly mistake. Down at Salt Lake at the convention last week they asked me how many newspapers and periodicals we took at Weber. I told them we didn't take any.' "Well, I'd just got over that when I met Walter Curtis NEVILLE. 'Eva,' he says, 'We've simply got to take the American Journal of Sociology next year in the library.' I didn't inquire into the merits of the publication; instead I marched Mr. Neville into the reading room and handed him the American Journal of Sociology from the rack where it had rested all year. "But the last straw came when we were sorting thru the books that had been stacked in the main front library room. Cluster NILSSON strolled in and naively inquired, 'What was this room used for before you brought these books in?'" We might add this note Eva: Don' try to revise her rules for conducting the library. She listens to your suggestions most intently and most sympathetically, but it never does her any good. And the list includes: Russell CROFT, whose mimeographed tests disprove the Lincolnian thesis that you can't fool all of the people all of the time. And Reed SWENSON, one of those patriotic coaches who is always willing to lay down your life for his school. Roland tells us that he wants the girl's glee club to sing at his funeral that!s one time he won't have to listen to it. This year for the first time Guy HURST had some real competition for the position of Lord Chesterfield in our aristocracy of the intellect. The competition was Henry ANDERSON. Hurst wins by a nose, since it is proved that Anderson's tie was disarranged that far on day. This is page thirty-eight THE BRAIN TRUST (cont.) The Beau Brummell of the faculty is without doubt dashing young David TREVITHICK, subject so frequently of Abigails cynical pen. If conditions were more favorable Trevithick's title might not be undisputed, for we have heard at least a dozen girls exclaim, "Aw, gee, you say Carl BELLISTON is married!" And for Ralph GRAY, we quote from the Protege, who knew him better and less discretion: "I'd like his mug to bend and bow, To stomp on his avoirdupois." We will little note nor long remember most of what they say here, but will never forget one faculty speech- when Thatcher ALLRED, on dull morning in a flood of righteous indignation, delivered a peroration along these lines: "How anyone could take a beautiful piece of poetry like "The Highwayman" and mutilate it in that manner is more than I can understand. Things like that always seem to happen when a so-called collegiate group gets together. But don't get me wrong, I don't blame you personally. I just regret that there have to be some persons like that in every college." Perhaps it was poor judgment to choose Thatcher's own beloved "Highwayman," but it did lend itself so beautifully to sound effects. And the theory of infallibility was sadly shaken when Orson YOUNG boldly and solemnly stated, "Well, yes, there are one or two things I don't know." Lionel THATCHER doesn't say much on the golf course, but where he spits the grass doesn't grow again. And, oh, the shock when Wally BADDLEY first took off his hat! Lucy DENNING is characterized by an overwhelming passion for organization. Everything must be organized, and once organized it must be re-organized. The House of Denning master-minds her subordinates like a feudal aristocrat- but the House does not get things done. We might tell a story about when Lucy was named co-respondent in an alienation of affections suit - but she is printing this publication. Lydia TANNER is the director of the cafeteria. Have you ever eaten at the cafeteria? They have lovely chairs and tables. This is page thirty-nine