A young highlander had been placed on guard for the night out- side the colonel's tent. In the morning the colonel stuck his head out of the flap and noticed the new man. "Well," he demanded sternly, "Who are you?" The young man turned and affably replied, "Fine. Hoo's yerself ?" At the Boston Immigration station one blank was recently filled out like this: Name-Abraham Cherkowsky. Born-Yes. Business-Rotten. Mrs. Ridges-Mrs. Walls told me the Wigneys got a new ency- clopedia. Ridges-Let 'em. Our little car has got to do us another year yet. Savage-Who can tell me what became of the swine that had the evil spirits cast into them? Relia Schade raised her hand. "They were all made into deviled ham." ONE MORE ATROCITY "and then the Germans charged, and the captain shouted, 'Shoot at will,' and I shouted, 'Which one is he?' and then they took away my gun, and now I can't play any more." Russ-What do I have to pay for a marriage license? County Clerk-Well, you get it on the instalment plan. Russ-How's that? C. C.-Two dollars down and the rest of your salary each week the rest of your life. Brammer-Sonny, every time you are naughty I get another grey hair. Sonny-Gee, you must have been a terror. Look at Grandpa. Mrs. Shurtliff-What is the difference between the quick and the dead? Would-be-witty Freshman-The "quick" are the ones that get out of the way of automobiles, and the others are the ones that don't. Prof. Read (quoting "Julius Caesar")-"Let me have men about me that are fat." Just then Prof. Ricks walked in and wondered why everybody laughed. Claude Lindsay was driving one evening with Ruth Scowcroft. The stillness of the evening and the beauty of the scene around him inspired his courage, and sitting stiffly erect and with his face for- ward, he asked suddenly, "May I kiss you?" "Surely," she cooly replied. "Aw," he said, his face scarlet, and stepping on the accelerator, -"Aw, I was only fooling." "When I spoke in Hooper," related Bill Brown, "Some one hurled a base, cowardly egg and hit me on the chest." "And what is a base, cowardly egg?" asked Maggie Gill. "A base, cowardly egg," explained Bill, "Is one that hits you and then runs." Josephine was sewing a button on a coat, and she looked up as Russel entered the doorway. "Really Russel, it is too bad, the careless way your tailor put this button on. This is the sixth time I have had to sew it on for you!" Doc-Over five thousand elephants each year go to make our piano keys. John Emmett-Sakes alive, isn't it wonderful what some animals can be trained to do! "When I say 'Bout face!' you place de toe of yo' right foot six inches to de reah of de heel of yo' right foot and just ooze aroun'." Reward-$100,000 will be given to any person discovering what Dr. Lind hunts for in his vest pocket every time he gets excited. Jensen-Do you assimilate your food, Aunty? Aunty-No, I doesn't sah. I buys it open and honest, sah. Doc Lind-Where do most animals of the sea live? Ira Terry-In the ocean. Prof. Terry-What part of today's lesson most impressed you? Stanley Rhees-The length. William Dick-Come on! What's the matter with you? Beany Barnes-I'm well, thanks, but my engine's dead. Tanner-Do you think this class is a joke, young man? Jones-No, sir, I'm not laughing at the class.