THE O. H. S. TIGER, FEBRUARY 28, 1923 Page 3 LITERARY GUTTER SNIPES Muffin was a little, tousle-haired Sky-terrior puppy, aristocratic in breed but exceedingly democratic in actions, as was his five year old mis¬tress, Peggy. On this particular day, I'eggy and Muffin decided that they would simply adore to wade in the gutter and wade they did. Peggy's mother, coming down the street, in¬wardly remarked, when she saw two little street urchins, a dog and a child playing in the mud, that she certainly thought any self respecting mother should be able to keep her child from disgracing her name. But what was her surprise upon reaching the waifs to find her own Peggy. "Peggy, what have you been doing? Go home this minute." "Oh mother, we're having such a good time. Let us play just a little while." For an answer, the disgraced moth¬er caught up her disgraceful daugh¬ter and carried her bodily into the yard, shutting the gate behind. "Oh-h, you're leaving Muffin. Get Muffin, Muffin?" wailed Peggy. A few minutes later, a clean Peggy rushed outside into the yard, search¬ing for Muffin. At the gate she found him, holding up a grey paw, from which a drop of blood fell now and then. "Oh, mother! Muffin's going to die! Come quick." But i'eggy's mother found nothing so very serious about the wound. "It's just a scratch," she remarked. "Will he die?" "He might, unless you promise not to run away again." "Oh, I'll never, never go out of the yard again." "Come here, Muffin, I'll put my dolly's very best sash on it for you." So Peggy selected a black and white polka-dot ribbon and tied up her pet's mutilated paw with a gor¬geous bow and see herself to nurse him. And what did Muffin think about it? He thought it was great fun, and inwardly vowed to get hurt as many times a week as possible. For did not Peggy feed him on sugar and candy and afterwards rock him to sleep. The only unpleasant thing was her tears. One fell into his ear, just as he was dozing off; and the one which fell on his nose, he licked off. It tasted rather salty. He did not like salt water. But then, mat¬ters were amended that night, when a thoroughly repentant and contrite Peggy snuggled Muffin to her side. —Erica Berne. —O-H-S— HOW I KILLED A FLY My encounter with a fly was en¬tirely unpremeditated. I came upon him suddenly one day in the kitchen. He seemed to suspect my foul intentions, as he glared at me watch-fully. 1 made a fierce pass at him but my aim way diverted by the light- globe, which fell to the floor with a crash. The fly flew at me and viciously lashed out with all four feet. I fail¬ed this foul plan by dropping to the floor, and thus sustained more injur¬ies than the fly could have inflicted. lie then changed his mode of attack and slowly hovered in the air above my head. I soon perceived that this plan was to light on my nose and put my eye out by kicking me. I hastily ran into the other room and put on a pair of glasses, thus defeating that play. I tried to coax him into the wash-basin so that I would turn the water on and drown him, but he was too wary to risk his life in that way. I was beginning to get tired from dodging him and tried to think of a plan to kill him. I suddenly hit upon a bright plan. I ran through the house as fast as I could, the fly pur-suing. I ran out the door and slammed it in the fly's face. He flew against the door with great force. The shock was too great and he im¬mediately lost consciousness. From all appearance he was dead but to make sure I proceeded to hit him several times, with the fly-swatter. Imitation of "How I killed a Bear." —Frank Mauritsen. —O-H-S— THE REWARD OF INSOLENCE One day while spending an idle half hour in my garden, meditating on the beauties of nature, I beheld a frightful sight. Lying at full length on a stem of my favorite flower was a large green worm peacefully doz¬ing in the sun. At my approach the worm opened one eye and critically surveyed me. After staring at me for several min¬utes he calmly turned his back and went to sleep again. I was enraged at such an insult as the presence and conduct of this worm. I had always prided myself on the fact that there were no worms or other destroyers of life making their homes in my garden. To be confronted by such a sight as this was enough to make anyone angry. I determined to be revenged. Rais¬ing a small stick which I carried in my hand, I advanced on my antagon¬ist. Suddenly an unexpected contin¬gency presented itself. As I have said the worm was residing on my favorite flower. Hence, how then was I to destroy it without crush¬ing the flower at the same time? The worm, seeming to sense my perplexity, nestled closer to the flower, thus frustrating my intention to dislodge it by shaking. I turned, and was halfway to the house, where I was going after my gloves to handle the loathsome thing without it coming in contact with my bare hands, when I happened to glance back. The worm had left the flower and was heading for a small hole in the wall. A feeling of despair came over me as I realized that it would reach j its home in safety. At that time i wSs willing to stain my soul with I murder, if only that miesrable worm would not escape. And then something happened which filled me with joy. A robin perched in a near-by tree, seeing the feeling of despair in which I was wrapped, left its perch and seizing the worm firmly in its beak, carried it off as food for its little ones. After witnessing the wrath of God on this poor worm I turned away, revenged, and without the stain of murder of my soul. —Jay Jamison. —O-H-S— GARETH AND LYNETTE Then sprang the happier day from underground And Lady Lyonors and her house, with dance And revel and song, made merry over Death, As being after all their foolish fears And horrors, proven only a bloom¬ing boy. So large mirth lived and Gareth won the quest. And he that told the tale in older times Says that Sir Gareth wedded Lynors, But he that told it later say Lynette; But later still an unknown tell this tale. Ere dawning of the first day yet had broke. Oe'r slumbering mere and gently nodding grass, The echoes woke with sound of hunt¬ing horn, And laughter that spoke hearts from care unloosed. Fair Lyonors, with heart but late rebased, From wracking dread of hateful wed¬lock bond Did gayly laugh and jest, with full intent Of blotting from her mind the gloomy days. While Lynette, forgetting her disgust At being aided by a kitchen knave In merry mood with Gareth laughing spoke Of matters of import to man and maid. The while the noisome hunt dropped o'er the hill, Messengers from Lady Lynors dis¬patched To all the country round and cried full loud The news of meets in lists and single combat, To celebrate the breaking of the bond Which held enthralled the lady of the shire. Three days hence the jousting would begin And all brave knights were sum¬moned to attend. The hunt was in full cry, the while Lynette, Engaged in converse deep with knight Sir Gareth, Did slow her mount, and slow, until the rest Were all but disappeared from sight ahead. A hooded falcon to her wrist was chained. "See," she said, "Like to this bird was I, Blinded to all about me that was good. "But now," with quick fingers from the bird she stripped The hampering hood," I see the light Of sunny field and fair that glads mine eye. Full rude and churlish must I seem to you To sharply scorn your aid and good intent. But blinded was I by your lowly guise, You must forgive and say you hold no ill." Gareth, dreaming of his distant mother, Heard but half of this, but made reply, "The brown wren's breast conceals a loving heart. The peacock's gaudy plumes hide shrill ill temper. My pleasure is it more to give un¬asked The service which indeed you sorely needed, More pleasure mine to hear your late spoke thanks. But we delay, the rest have left us far behind." So speaking, urged his horse again, And Lynette, rebuffed, was forced to follow, And rode silently throughout the re¬maining course. Sun set, rose, sank and rose again: Day followed day in quick succession. Then dawned the tourney, hot and The ways rang with drum of flying hoop, And shouts tore the silence of early day. The lists were full, bright armour flashed With blinding glare. A steady hum of voices Beat against the ear as waves against the shore. A blast frorn a trumpet, the waves were still, And Lady Lyonors rose to speak, "Brave knights and good, No wish of mine that you should fight to kill, . Rather to unseat. He _ who is dis¬mounted must retire." The trumpet shrieked again, and two lines sallied forth. A shocking crash, the sound of steel on steel, The cloud of dust rolled o'er, and on the ground Were lying wounded or unseated Half a score, who quickly left the fiield, The healthy helping ill. And thus the battle raged. More prominent in single combat met. And all unseated left with cheerful laugh. Launcelot and Gareth, jousting horse to horse Did now down row on row of gal¬lant men And save each other many a fatal blow. Until the field was emptied but for two Who side by side had fought through all the fray. Each refused to ride against the other, As two who are great in strength should ever do Lest both should fall and neither stand alone. Till Lyonors bewildered cried "which one or both?" i Then Launcelot spoke out, "To Gareth goest the prize. He hath earned it. Many such Have I And wish full well to see his merit be rewarded. Gareth to this replied, "Such honor is unmeeted. I ," but he protesting sank, A limp heap in his saddle. "He is hurt!" and Launcelot had soon Removed him to the ground and gear unloosed A spear head pierced his thigh and blood, Precious life-blood slowly ebbed away, As the life-giving waters of a stream. Leave the clay to parch and dry. To shelter quick they bore him, And staunched his wound and gave him cooling droughts. Then Lyonors, "My house shall be thy house, My life be thine to use." And Lynette, weeping, "Thy slightest bidding is my joy to carry out." To this the injured made reply "Sweet mother Bellicent." And soon they bore him to his home. His sick days soon were over. To him his mother said again her promise. To find him a fair bride to suit his choice. Gareth kissed her cheek and made reply. "The bride to suit my choice was wed long since, And her perfection never could be matched. Sweet Lyonors or lovely Lynette could I choose But I will none of these since you are wed." —Miriam Cain. —O-H-S— Who is to be Queen of the Classicalia Printing for all occasions at Dee Practical Printer Orpheum Candy Co. Yes We Have It! Everything for Office and School. Spring Sale on Leather Goods. BRAMWELL'S CLASSICALIA AT THE WHITE CITY SATURDAY