Page 6 THE O. H. S. TIGER, NOVEMBER 15, 1922 MR. DEVINE SPEAKS IN ASSEMBLY The first assembly of several weeks was held last Friday. The glee clubs, directed by Mr. Hinchcliff opened the assembly with a well-rendered song, the "Troubador." President Mattson then introduced Mr. DeVine, a well- known Ogden lawyer. Mr. DeVine talked on the opportunities of youth, and the importance of using our edu¬cation. He related several humorous anecdotes of his own youth. Marcus Mattson thanked him for the student body, and invited him to come again. Pedigo Voll read a selection from Kipling, "On the Road to Manda- lay." He was encored, and gave a humorous reading, "Late for the Train." Miss Violet Letts, aided by the glee clubs, introduced a new school song written to the tune of "Liza Jane." The school practiced the song and then dispersed. We want more assemblies of this kind. The order was excellent, and we feel that "virtue should have its reward." A LESSON IN ENGLISH You see a beautiful, girl walking down the street. She is singular and you are nominative. You walk across to her, changing to verbal, and then it becomes dative. If she is not ob¬jective, you become plural. You walk home together. Her mother becomes accusative, you become im¬perative. You talk of the future and she becomes objective. Her father becomes present, things are tense, and you become the past participle. -O-H-S— BE PREPARED OFFICERS Table Manners for Sponsor's Feed The meal is about to begin. Hitch right up to the table, placing your arms in an advantageous position on either side of your place. Beside your place you will no doubt find a small, square piece of linen (this is a napkin). Tuck one corner of it under your collar and drape the rest over your bosom in a graceful manner, as though you had done it all your life. This will keep your chest spotless from everything but the soup which will leak through in spite of all you can do, so don't waste any energy as you may need it to get home. If you spill your coffee in your neighbor's lap, instantly assure him that you really didn't care for coffee anyway. Tell him not to mind it at all. If you get a spot on the toble- cloth, absent-mindedly place a piece of bread over it, butter side down. The butter will keep the bread in place so it will not slip off the spot. By observing these things you will be a delight to your hostesses and they will probably never invite you again, which may be to your liking. —L. Z. —O-H-S— CADET OFFICERS GET SAM BROWN BELTS Alias "John Blacks" The Cadet officers of the Ogden R. O. T. C. presented a neat ap¬pearance last Thursday when they blossomed out in some flashy new Sam Black belts. The belts were made by an Ogden firm and are all that the government would allow. The Sam Brown color being govern¬ment regulation was forbidden, so the cadet officers were contented with black. The officers got their belts just in time for the inspector, who arrived Wednesday, and looked them over. Some of the officers find getting in and out of the belts quite a nuisance, as they feel like a harness, but nevertheless they add to the appearance of the uniform. —O-H-S— Sportsmanship "When I looked out the window, Johnny, I was glad to see you play¬ing marbles with Billy Simpking." "We wasn't playing marbles, ma. We just had a fight, and I was help¬ing him pick up his teeth." Marcus Mattson: "What will it cost to have my car fixed”” Garage man: "What's the matter with it?" Marcus M: "I don't know." Garage man: "Sixty-seven dollars and eighty two cents." Smile Teasers TOO BAD She has gone Her has went Us can never Go to she. Her can never Come to we Oh how can It ain't. She: "Oh Algy, you English are so slow. He: "Er—I'm afraid I don't grasp you." She: "That's just it." Proud Father "Do you know my son?" Phil Ring; "Oh yes, we sleep to¬gether in the same Spanish class." Talk about a cat having nine lives, a frog croaks every night. Tom: "Cut the inside out and make it holler." Mr. Barrett: "Why is it that light¬ning never strikes twice in the same place?" Phil Ring: "Because it doesn't need to." "Are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Tommy at the dinner table. "No," said his father. "Why do you ask such a question as that while we are eating?" "Because you had one on your lettuce, but it is gone now," replied Tommy. Mrs. Coolidge (in history): "When did George III die?" No answer. Mrs. Coolidge: "Don't you know when George III died?" Bill Smith: "No, ma'am, I must have been absent that day." Mrs. Coolidge (in history): "Why were you late?" At Wolfer: "Class began before I got here." Who was the absent minded pro¬fessor who, before coming to class, threw his wife out the back door and kissed the garbage? Must have been the same one who poured the syrup down his back and scratched his pancakes. Accounting Student: "I'm just sick of figures. Room-mate: "Then there's no use for you to go to that musical com¬edy tonight. Stranger: "Why is it that none of these autoists here-abouts put out their hands when turning corners?" Constable: "You see this is a col¬lege town and the young chaps ain't octopuse." Emmert has a bunch of fun every morning teaching the boys how to breathe. "Deep breathing," he says, "makes good singing." All of the musical talent in the batallion has run down to the bottom. Mac says, "the little rascals sing without my telling them to sing, but the poor little prunes won't stop even when I command them to." There's a man in Marcus's company that is almost as tall as his captain. You might also ask Montie how he says platoon, when he is drilling a j squad. Customer (in music store): "I want a copy of the 'Stolen Rope.' " Store clerk: "I am afraid I don't know of such a song." Cusctomer: "Why, it goes 'Tum- Tum-Tumpety-Tum,' " Clerk: "Oh, you mean 'The Lost Chord.' " Customer: "Aw, that's it!" I hate to think of Lover's Leap, Where I so often tarried. The golden moon befuddled me, And, darn it, I got married. Policeman: "But didn't you feel the pickpocket's hand in your poc¬ket?" Absent-minded Prof: "Yes, but I thought that it was my own." COACH KAPPLE LIVES UP TO REPUTATION AS CHAMPION PRODUCER At the beginning of the school year it was stated that Coach Kapple had a reputation of producing a championship team wherever he went. And so our hopes ran high with the expectation that he would be able to coach the Ogden Tigers to a championship. He delivered the goods last Friday when his charges trounced the high- strung Weber eleven. As a football coach Kapple has proven himself to be a winner and it is expected that he is the same in the hoop sport. With a 33-to-0 win over Weber noth¬ing shall stop us from winning that State title. We held one of the strongest teams that East Side ever had to a lone touchdown which was a piece of luck once, and we can better this feat by walloping them this year. Leave it to Kapple and it shall come. —O-H-S— THE LAST LAY OF THE MINSTREL O, we're the class of twenty-four There's nothing the matter with us None were ever as good before There's nothing the matter with us We're peppy, there right to a man We help the old school all we can, We're good, loyal, lively and true We love our teachers, sure we do, We'll hate to leave when we are through There's nothing the matter with us. —Mariam Cain. Hotel Clerk: "And do you wish a room with private bath?" Patron: "Only kind I care to take." Willie: "Say, Pop, who made the country dry?" Pop: "What country?" GIRLS' GLEE CLUB ORCHESTRA A group of girls from the Girls' Glee club have formed a "String Orchestra." The girls plan to prac¬tice every Tuesday during the ninth period in the music room. The or¬chestra will assist the Glee club in giving its musical programs during the school year. If there are any girls who would like to join the girls' orchestra, but find it impos¬sible to attend Glee club, will they please ask the Glee club president about the matter as soon as possible. THE Sell-Rite Stores NOW FURNISH FREE DELIVER Y AND C.O.D. ORDERS For Your Convenience 3 Stores in Ogden 181-24th Street 2212 Wash. Ave. 584-24th Street "Meet Me Bare-Headed" NORMAN SIMS Kaplan’s “Dressers of Men” S.J. Japlan Co. 2425 Washington Ave. The House of Kuppenheimer Good Clothes Beginners at Saving When you start on a regular saving plan, you will go slow at first Saving goes faster and easier as the habit grows on you. Save $5 per month for one year you may be able to save $10 per month during the next year, and $15 per month the third year. Follow this plan at The National Bank of Commerce, and you will have $374 at the end of three years. Your money will then earn $1.25 a month interest. The National Bank of Commerce OGDEN, UTAH SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS - THEY SUPPORT US