Dan Valentines Nothing Serious POOR FIRST LADY My wife looked up from the newspaper, her right eye filled with three large tears. I feel sorry for poor Mrs. Lee, she sniffled, dabbing her eyeball with the end of a popsickle she was eating at the time. So, I asked, knowing better at the time, just why do you feel sorry Dan Valentine for poor Mrs. Lee? She is happy. I saw her downtown the other day and she looked as happy as anybody on the street, and happier than most. But, my wife sniffled, that happiness is all in the past now because Mr. Lee says he isnt going to pay any more income tax, and soon he might be in prison or living in exile on Antelope Island. Dont you waste sympathy on poor Mrs. Lee and her husband, Brack; he knows what he is doing, I said. In fact, I said, I would join Brack myself this year in not paying any income taxes, but the way the uranium market has acted Im not going to have any income taxes to pay . . . But still you gotta admire the way Brack has decided all this. My wife was looking in the empty fireplace with a blank stare like she does the rare times she is thinking, Even if poor Mrs. Lee can make one that wont show, just how will she get it to him? Elaine said to the empty fireplace. How will she get what to whom even if it wont show? I asked. Silly, my wife said, I mean how will she make the chocolate cake and get the file in it so it wont show and how will she get it past the guards at Leavenworth so poor Mr. Lee will be able to break out of prison? You are worrying for nothing, my dear wife, I said. Brack Lee wont, go to prison for not paying his income tax. Theyre afraid to send governors to prison for such a silly thing...They just send private citizens like me and A1 Capone to prison for not paying income tax. IT WILL be just awful, my wife said. A man of Mr. Lees age sitting in a cold cell with no indirect heating or anything, and eating that awful food at Leavenworth. You are worrying over nothing, I said. Who knows Brack Lee will end up in Leavenworth? Maybe he will be lucky and get sent to McNeil Island and have a cell with a view of the ocean. Besides, I yelled, Bracks not going to the jug. All he said was he was going to put his income tax money in the bank instead of giving it to the government until they decide to spend some of it at home. He doesnt want it to go to India. So, my wife yells, how come he doesnt like Indians? Goodness knows, we owe the Indians something. After all, this was their country. He likes those kind of Indians, I screamed. He just doesnt want the dough to go to the Indians living over in India. He dont care if the Indians around here get it. Well, for goodness sakes, my wife said, you dont have to yell about it . . . Im sure the Indians dont care whether Mr. Lee puts his money in the bank. He doesnt want any of it to go to Finland, either, I said. Or Sweden. Well, my wife says, I can see what he means about Sweden the way Garbo has been acting the past 20 years. BRACK SAYS hes not going to pay over the dough until the Supreme Court says it is legal to send it across the ocean. So what happens if the Supreme Court says it is all right to send the money across the ocean, my wife asks. Then Brack gives them the money in the bank, I said. How can he when hes in jail? my wife wants to know. Will they let him out of jail to go to the bank? Yes, I said wearily, if hes in jail, theyll let him out to go to the bank. I still feel sorry for poor Mrs. Lee. Its always the woman who suffers when a thing like this happens. Yes, Elaine, I said. Its always the woman...