Weber State College Comment, October 1987, Page3 Enhancing marriagerelationships by Dr. S. Craig Campbell Dean, WSC School of Education I arecent Newsweek cover story (Aug. 24, 1987), encouraging information was presented on “How to Stay Married.” In summary, Americans appear to be taking marriage more seriously (thankfully, since we have the highest divorce rate in the world). Commitment and responsibility are the new bywords. The article went on to point out that we expect a lot out of marriage—namely romance, empathy, excitement, and security. We continue to see the painful difficulty of divorce on adults and children, but the authors of the article noted that Americans seem to be gradually learning the lessons of marriage of our past two decades: “If they’re willing to try, couples can make marriage work.” Why do some marriages get into trouble? The most common scapegoats for marital failure are finances, sex and inlaws. But is divorce really due to those three problems? Probably not, says family expert Dr. Victor Cline. “T have discovered that underlying all three is usually significant selfishness on the part of at least one of the partners, leading toa lack of commitment, disturbed communications, or an inability to deal with anger appropriately,” Cline said. Assessing how well we ourselves handle selfishness and commitment and communications and anger becomes one enced previously. However, in Cline’s new book “How To Make A Good Marriage Great” (Walker and Co., $11.95 paperback) we are given 10 practical keys to enhance our marital relationships. Each deserves discussion. possibility, then, to enhance marriage. Typically, quality and quantity sex is almost always enhanced by a good overall relationship in other areas of marriage. Marriages of the 1980’s may have additional strains and stresses not experi- 1. Shower Positives, Minimize Nagging. Basic, but very true. Do we try to catch each other doing something right and reinforce strengths, or do we become an expert on pointing out the other person’s weaknesses? 2. Let Your Spouse Know the Facilitations of Love. Can you or your spouse mind read each other’s thoughts, needs or wants? Needs often remain unfilled because we’re not good mind readers. Both husband and wife should share, find out, ask and sup- ply. 3. Defuse Anger. Keep a simple, consistent game plan to defuse anger. Calla brief timeout, identify triggers of each other’s anger, etc., and try to avoid or modify them in the future. Cline’s book devotes an entire chapter to this concern. 4. Positive Sexuality. Seldom is it the other way around. Time, energy, planning and healthy, positive communications make this possible. 5. The Power of Commitment, Love isa Daily Decision. Commitment is more important than compatibility. Evidence seems to reinforce the idea that commitment can probably make nearly any marriage succeed, with some exceptions. Commitment must come from two individuals, not just one, who daily decide to love in a hundred different ways. You still have time today to do it! 6. Develop Effective Commu- nication and Negotiation Skills These skills can be easily learned and improved. All marriages experience disagreement and conflict. We each need to improve or fine-tune our ability to negotiate through our differences. Cline’s book has two chapters in this area. (Carl-Fred Broderick’s book “Couples” is another excellent source.) Many marriages are truly and totally enhanced by a religious foundation, or a belief in God. This foundation often sustains the bond and helps couples deal with common day-to-day difficulties. 8. Acute Stress Can Kill Love. Deal With It! Stress and pressures diminish our power and result in indifference. In marriage stress can create an atmosphere of less loving, less sexual attraction and less courteous behaviors, attitudes and feel- The classes of 1937 and 1962 will have meide performance costs $8 a family, $2.50 for adults and $1.50 for children and students. The Homecoming Banquet will recog- 9. Participate in a Marriage Enrichment/Marriage Encounter Experience. ‘Wecarefully maintain, update and fine- tune our cars, homes or personal What do we do to get our marriage up? A marriage enrichment seminar approach, and a chapter in the book other suggestions. lives. tuned is one offers 10. Pair Bonding, Renewing the Magic. In many cases we often become “married singles.” We live together in the same house, but years of mechanical living have taken out the excitement, romance and intimacy. The beauty of marriage, however, is that these things can come back quickly by making a daily decision to love, by persisting in that decision, improving each other’s self-esteem and by taking time to share feelings. 7. The “Extra Dimension.” to love, increase the likelihood of blaming their reunions, Distinguished Alumni and Distinguished Service awards will be given, and a Halloween costume party follows the Weber State vs. the University of Idaho as part of this year’s Homecoming Activities Oct. 24-31. The events begin with the Flaming W hike Oct. 24, and an alumni artists and authors exhibit in the Shepherd Union Building on Tuesday. Wednesday, Oct. 28 is Purple and White Day and all WSC supporters are urged to wear the school colors. The traditional Family Carnival Night in the Dee Events Center runs from 5 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 28. A baby contest with competition in categories ranging from the bluest eyes to “Looks Most Like Dad” is a part of the festivities, and a king and queen baby will also be selected. Food and craft booths as well as a number of game booths line the concourse of the DEC during the evening. Vandermeide, known as Europe’s fastest hypnotist, is making a return performance to the event and will perform, along with the Weber State Singers, following the Family Carnival Night at 7:30 p.m. in the Dee Events Center. The Family Carnival Night is free to the public, but the Vander- ings. These stresses come from many sources, but need to be resolved in order to “free up energy for the most important relationship in your life.” An excellent bonus to any marriage is to schedule a 48 hour retreat. Take a break (obviously without the kids), get away, strengthen and enhance your love, and renew the marriage vows. Cline’s keys can help virtually any marriage. All we have to do is apply them. The end result will be an increase of love and a deeper sense of joy within our marriages. How are you doing today on your most important daily decision? Take some time together and find out. nize Dr. Spencer Seager, Phil Tuckett and Dr. Bart Wolthius with the Distinguished Alumni Award and Ben Day with the Distinguished Service Award Oct. 30. The banquet begins at 7 p.m. and is followed by the Homecoming Dance at 9 p.m. in the Ballroom of the Shepherd Union Building. Cost for the banquet is $10, and cost for the dance is $5 a couple for those who attend the banquet. Banquet tickets are available at the WSC Alumni Office. The Associated Students are selling dance tickets. The Weber State classes of 1937 and 1962 will meet at 6 p.m. on Oct. 30 for a reception in the Shepherd Union Building. The Class of ’37 will also attend a theater production Oct. 29, and enter several floats and vehicles in the homecoming parade under the theme “The Way We Were-The Way We Are.” On Oct. 31 737 alumni will have special seating at the football game and go from there to reminisce “John’s Sweet Shop” at Warren’s Drive-In in Riverdale. Homecoming week ends Oct. 31 with a parade at 10 a.m. along Washington Blvd. from 22nd Street to 26th Street. The homecoming football game begins at 1 p.m. in the Wildcat Stadium as the Wildcats take on Big Sky opponent the University of Idaho Vandals. A Halloween costume party begins that evening at 8 p.m. in the Shepherd Union Building Ballroom. Cost is $3 per person. WSC President Stephen D. Nadauld (c) plays "Educationopoly" with students. The game is patterned after Monopoly, but instead of owning property, you gain degrees, and instead of going to jail, players are suspended and go to the Dean's office. The game was designed as an incentive for the Centennial Fund Raising Campaign, and is available in regular game board size for $100. The $100 is an unrestricted do- nation, with the game billed as a premium, said Development Director Don E. Spainhower. The game was created by Seldon Young, a member of the executive committee of the Centennial Gift Campaign and president of Nice Corp. of Ogden, and Kent Merrell of Merrell Advertising in Salt Lake Citv. |