seeing the eagle among the chickens 4 aa se ‘ wth " \ g 4 iF ue By Diane Calloway What believe most of strongly external you are depends on what you to be true about yourself. But for us the image we hold of ourself is influenced not by internal, but forces. The poet once said: Iam not what I think Iam I am not what you think Iam Iam what I think you think Iam 2 ellis aca asl: | | Beliefs about ourselves are a significant part of our self concept. Self-concept can be explained as the picture one holds of oneself, and consists of three components: The way we see ourselves; the way we think others see us; and the way we would ideally like to be. The interesting part of this is that the first two components are largely affected by the pattern of positive or negative reinforcement which we have received. Perhaps you are familiar with the story of an eagle who was confined in the barnyard with the chickens. The owner of the eagle had trained it to be a chicken so it never learned to fly. Through the insistence of a naturalist, the owner agreed to let the eagle learn how to fly. Gently, the naturalist took the eagle in his arms and said, “You belong to the sky. Stretch forth your wings and fly.” The eagle, however, was confused and did not know who she was. Seeing the chickens eating their food, she jumped down to be with them again. The following day the naturalist took the eagle up on the roof of a house and urged her again, saying, “You are an eagle. Stretch forth your wings and fly.” The eagle, however, was afraid of the unknown and jumped down once more to be with the chickens. Undismayed, the naturalist arose the next day and took the eagle out of the barnyard to a high mountain. There he held the monarch of birds high above him and encouraged her again, saying, “You are an eagle. Stretch forth your wings now and fly.” The eagle began to tremble and slowly she stretched her wings. At last, with a triumphant cry, she soared into the heavens. Through the naturalist’s positive reinforcement, the eagle was helped to reach her potential. According to psychologist Donald Super, your self-concept begins to develop in infancy as soon as you start to recognize you are an individual, separate from your parents and others. Throughout your childhood, adolescence, and adulthood you develop snapshots of yourself in a variety of situations and roles. Each of these snapshots becomes integrated into how you view yourself. It is this self-picture which has the greatest influence on your self-esteem and self-confidence. When Sarah entered our office she wasn’t sure life was worth the effort. She wanted to get a college degree, but was afraid she would fail like she had failed at marriage, motherhood, and finding a job. Why should college be different? We talked for an hour and Sarah left with some hope, and the beginnings of a new way of seeing herself. It would be weeks and months before she began to recognize her worth and potential, but she was on her way. She used other resources—counselors, workshops, groups, self-help books—and positive changes came. The Sarah that first entered my office is not today’s Sarah. This Sarah appears taller, proud, at peace. She seems comfortable with herself and life. I like the new Sarah. I think she does too. Most everyone, at some time in their life, allows negative influences to create a lessthan-accurate view of themselves. That is a very human, yet destructive, tendency. What we are may be an accumulation of past events over which we have little control, but what we remain is our responsi- bility. Create a better you by painting a Flying INStrUCTIONS (07 tips to develop a self-esteem that soars) Refrain from comparing yourself to other people. Unless you can find someone exactly like you in every way comparisons provide little insight and much discouragement. Compare yourself to you. Remember there are always changes we need to make to improve ourselves. Changes have to do with your growth, not worth. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and still be OK. Recognize that you cannot risk or grow without making errors. Seek information that is helpful to your growth process. Refuse to give credence to criticism from those who do not have your best interest at heart. Develop support systems which positively reinforce you. Be fair to yourself when looking at your strengths and limitations. Concentrate on strengths and not weaknesses. Seek to improve your limitations while resisting the temptation to define yourself by what you are not. better picture of yourself. A negative selfportrait limits what we are willing to try, forestalling opportunities for growth and enjoyment. But it is precisely through that growth and enjoyment that we enhance our self-concept, self-esteem, and self-confidence. I’m sure the eagle still remembers the chickens with nostalgia. It may even be that she occasionally revisits the barnyard. But she has never returned to lead the life of a chicken. Just like the eagle, if you have learned to think of yourself as something you are not, you can decide in favor of what you really are. In truth, people are eagles with the potential to soar, to be free, to experience their real essence. Nurture yourself by giving approving, accepting and reassuring messages to yourself about you. Diane Calloway is a counselor in the Women’s Educational Resource Center at Weber State. She conducts numerous workshops on improving Self-esteem. Choose to be happy today. UE EG, AV ltrs Be a friend to yourself. offer another. Offer yourself the same compassion you would Let go of negative labels. Labels such as stupid, ugly or fat are destructive and stifle growth. Create a positive self-picture by accepting the compliments others give you. Set personal goals that measure your growth by gauging your — improvement. Expect at times to incur the disapproval of others. Realize that disapproval comes from imperfect people who often change moods, become easily critical and readily strike out to label others. Realize their destructive behavior has to do with them, not you. Celebrate each day as it occurs. Don’t put happiness off by waiting until you get married, get a raise, finish school and so on. Feel good about yourself. Let yourself enjoy life now. e«