Weber State College Comment, January 1987, page 5 jFour Seasonsof Bereavement by Dr. William S. Rybicki ccepting the death of a _ loved one is unquestionably one of life’s most difficult | challenges to face. It is typically upheaval, painful filled feeling, a time with of intense mental and psychological anguish, accompanied laden by with adjust to the new activities and behaviors that have been developed without the companionship of the deceased loved one. erratic, | lonesome behaviors. Bereavement is the term used by professionals to define the experiences of coping with personal loss. _ Bereavement is a highly complex psychological process, involving an array of individual factors such as: | (1)nature of the relationship between the bereaved There are many new or familiar experiences, however, that still evoke treasured and often hidden memories of their former companion that precipitate poignant feelings of separation and loss. Public holidays, personal anniversaries and_ birthdays, vacation trips or other social occasions may arouse in | person and the deceased loved one; (2)developmental 'stage of the bereaved person; (3)conditions precipitating the death; and (4)social the bereaved person a tragic sense of emptiness. support systems. The Although there are several models that present an | overall picture or general outline of the complete process of bereavement, the most useful and creative ap- proach I have found was proposed by a literary editor named Mary Jane Moffat. In her book, “In the Midst of Winter: Selections from the Literature of Mourning,” she divides the bereavement process into four major stages which are represented in symbolic form by the four seasons of the year. Winter is the first season of bereavement. It is a psychological period of shock and numbness at the ° arrival of death, and is closely followed by uncontrollable emotional A NE Vz OT of summer, and fosters greater independence and self-reliance. Fall is the fourth and final season of bereavement. It is a period of acceptance and greater personal maturity. “The spring bereavement : ay The ali SSA Ade? ly, Y A ° conflicts create slow, painful transition towards personal heal- sent the bereaved person’s reac- ing.” temperatures, fz s folliage its beautiful as a natural pattern : of life. In cides the bereaved ‘ person learns that death is a natural and integral facet of tions of shock, numbness, and disbelief. The powerful release of pent-up emotions A aseegt dexcoatees 4 PASS STE of both sorrow and anger is a symbolic attempt to ward off winter’s bone-chilling coldness. Another means for coping with the bitter effects of winter is to flee into the safety of denial in which strong feelings are avoided, intellectualized, and diverted into meaningless rituals or unproductive tasks. The winter ~ EPSRC consisting season of bereavement is often regarded as the most frightening and overwhelming period of personal grief. shuttles back and forth between the present realities of life and the past memories of experiences with the deceased loved one. In this mourning process, the bereaved person wil likely encounter his or her own human inadequacies that engender feelings of guilt and self-reproach. A sense of hopelessness.and worthlessness frequently occurs, indicating that the bereaved person is struggling to overcome normal depressive reactions to the losses of personal attachment and past expectations with the deceased loved one. Finally, internal ‘strife and conflicts may develop towards previously established religious beliefs as the bereaved person expresses honest self-doubts and unresolved anger towards God for allowing suffering, death and bereavement to take place. In summary, the spring season of bereavement is filled with many deep, internal conflicts that create a slow, painful transiti Dr. - Rybicki. isi >a psychologist in the WSC Counseling Center. Summer is the third season of bereavement. It is a time of new growth, separation and aloneness. Symbollically, the new growth of summer follows the deep, internal conflicts, or “seeds,” that were planted during spring time. The bereaved person is starting to fall in the image of a tree which sheds a grayness, and snowfall repre- of is best expressed season of is_ filled ees that symbolic meaning 77 -with many deep internal level, frigid a new- uncertain and ambivalent about goals, relationships, RE bursts and rapid brings and reasons for living. There exists a great deal of introspection and reminiscence as the bereaved person ATA out- likewise, itiate new social relationships. Thus, the summer season of bereavement awakens individual strengths, } _ retreats into denial. On the symbolic winter's Spring is the second season of bereavement. It is a psychological period of transition in which deep internal struggies emerge as evidenced by guilt feelings, depression and serious doubts about religious beliefs. The weather during springtime is highly unpredictable, and symbollically, the bereaved person is also season found strength and determination that enables the person to tolerate and constructively use periods of aloneness. A new sense of personal freedom and responsibility for one’s own actions enable the bereaved person to set new individual goals and in- CSA BENE Sree SE UP ea ee 1) eR— aes human develop- ment. This awareness and acceptance of personal loss are ok ‘ philosophical gifts the bereaved person receives as a result of passing through the four seasons of bereavement. The person develops new insights into the process of growth, change and death which expand personal maturity and add new meaning to individual goals and relationships. Like the colors of autumn leaves, the bereaved person experiences many new shades of meaning, and becomes willing to accept the mysteries of life and death.