April 1987, page 5 iii _Weber State College Comment, by Sharon B. Parkinson You may say yes to enable you to maintain control. You possibly fear others may not do the task as well as you regardless of your limited time. There are occasions you may prefer not to say no because you really want to say yes in spite of the necessary energy expenditures or previous commitments. But remember, if you say yes to everything asked, you may be depriving other capable individuals of the opportunity to develop talents. If you want to say no a perfectly valid reason is, ‘‘l don’t want to do it Consequences of Not Saying No There is an entire category of disease based on _ psychophysiological responses thought to be directly related to stress. Some of these include ulcers, cardiovascular diseases, ulcerative colitis and asthma. When you say yes to many requests you may place your own well-being in jeopardy of stress overload. If you are too busy to eat, exercise and rest properly, you sacrifice these sustaining activities by replacing them with potentially dangerous stressors. Sometimes having too much to do renders even the best organized person incapable of doing those projects well. Rewards For Saying press IB siejpg No By choosing to own yourself you will organize your time to know when you can effectively say yes. The greatest reward of saying no is the reduced stress and the release of your inclina. tion to feel guilt. Only you can set your priorities. When you say no to untimely pro jects, you release time to develop personal and family interests. Saying no can avoid subsequent grief. If you sense danger, let that be a clue to saying no and remove many unnecessary stressors. One very uncomfortable position you may put yourself in is to say yes to a request you are unqualified to appropriately discharge. Allowing yourself to be caught in such a compromising situation can bring not only stress, but embarrassment. An obvious reward for saying no if. you are unqualified “is not finding your self humiliated. As you learn to say no, you gain control of your life, and who can control your life better than you? How Is It OK To Say Yes? One of the best indicators to say yes is when it feels right for you. If desire, time, priorities, health and circumstances are favorable and you can do well without compromising your ‘ relationship with yourself and your significant others; say yes. When you feel ambivalent, measure the advanof owning yourself cannot be over emtages versus the disadvantages. Write phasized. As you choose to be responboth down, if necessary, then answer sible for what life offers you, your self according to your own conscience. A image will improve and lend conviction positive reply requires an orderly imto your ‘‘no-saying’’ skills. Your goal plementation of tasks for which you becomes self-preservation without must accept responsibility if you are to becoming selfish. feel good about the activity. The inability to say no, when no is Saying yes can be easy if you look what you want to say, is a selffor opportunities to serve the needs of defeating behaviour which emotionalothers as well as yourself. When decily, physically and sometimes socially sions are based on justified compascan cripple you. Recognizing this sionate service, appropriate protesbehavior as such is one of the early and sional requirements and your personal essential steps to changing the needs, you will find an appropriate undesired behavior. balance between ‘‘yes’’ and ‘‘no.’’ The use of ‘‘I’’ statements are very Nature, in her wisdom, allows you to helpful in saying no. An ‘‘I’’ statement experience the productive or non: means Owning your own words and productive consequences of your ac clarifying what you hear. For example: To Say No To appropriately say no, the concept ‘Do / understand you to say.you need help with the charity drive this year? . . . While / feel that is a worthy cause / will be unable to assist you at this time.’’ You may. repeat similar statements as frequently as necessary until the caller understands and accepts the message. Build a positive vocabulary for saying no. For example: ‘‘! certainly appreciate the need you have for assistance. I hope you can find someone to help you soon.” or “Thank you for thinking of me. Perhaps another time I can assist you. May I suggest Betty Jones or Steve White, either of whom have expertise in this area.”’ Rethink your value system. Often your early family messages included the idiom, ‘‘We never turn anyone in need away.’’ Recognize the pleasure of being able to choose between the two good possibilities of service or selfself-. preservation. Without preservation, the capacity to serve others quickly wanes. Practice saying no in less threatening situations or where many others could |. tions. When you find yourself unable to say no there may be unfavorable physical and emotional health conse quences. Great personal rewards come as you wholly give yourself permission to be creative and responsible in your choice of life’s tasks. Refuse to compromise yourself and make Mother Nature your ally. Remember, nothing becomes an obligation because someone tells you it is. You choose. It is possible to build ‘‘no-saying”’ skills without offending those around you. Good luck! Sharon Parkinson is a registered nurse, a social worker and a counselor in the Weber State Women’s Educational a} There are as many reasons why saying no is difficult as there are people. You many be a people pleaser. As such, you want everyone to think well of you so you accept every invitation which comes your way often disregarding your own needs and limitations. You may feel allegiance to a certain person or organization and when you are asked for assistance, you find yourself simply unable to say no because of dedication. Conflict is frequently an unpleasant experience and you could be saying yes to avoid conflict and confrontation. Being caught off guard by a telephone caller requesting your volunteer time for a certain project may be producing a yes from you, even when your initial answer is no. Witha little friendly persuasion or a sad story, the caller may be able to coerce you into saying yes. When ae Why It Is Hard To Say No be chosen who are able to do as well as you. Ask a friend or a relative to playact with you in contrived situations similar to past real experiences where you have been unable to say no. This can develop your latent skills very effectively. If you get caught off guard, delay the decision until you can obtain more facts or have more time to better understand the issues. Remember, you have the right to say no. - oO you often find yourself saying yes when you wished you could say no? Are you overburdened, taken advantage of or without time to do what you would like? Are others able to persuade you to plan parties, participate in committee meetings, go on charity drives, baby-sit or perform other tasks even when your personal deadlines are at risk? If you answer yes to any of these questions; continue reading. It is important to realize that no one has designated you to be the caretaker of the world. You are, however, the caretaker of yourself. Being your own caretaker means “owning’’ youself, being in charge of your own hapiness and your own decision making process. Once you own yourself, saying no at the appropriate time becomes easier.