THE BESTEST LETTER EVER UNWRITTEN Der States of der United September on two , 1938 Mine dear Friend: I now take mine pen and ink and write to you in lead pencil . We do not live vere we used, we live vere ve have moved. I hate to say it by your Aunt vot love you so vell is dead. She died of New Monia on New Years day at fifteen five. Some people tink she had depopulation of der heart und the doctor he gave up all hopes of saving her. She leafs a family of two little boys and a cow. Dey found ten tousand dollars in her bustle. It was an awful lot to leaf behind. She villed it all to the boys und case dey die, it goes to der cow. Old lady Offer Bacher iss very sick. She's just at death's door but the doctors tink dey can pull her thru. She haf such a nice boy. He iss just like a human beast. I took him to der hospital for to see der sick peoples. Ve had a goot time. Your brudder Otto took our dog up to the saw mill to haf a fight. He runned up against one of dem big saws vot iss circular und runs on veels und he lasted only one round. All the Gortenbacher family are having a swell time mit der mumps. I am sending you yer overcoat by express. Und to safe extra expense I cut the buttons off. You vill find dem in der left hand pocket. Mother iss making sans a pre und all der neighbors are looking for der doers. We sent Hilda to dere butcher to see if he had pigs feet und she come back und said she didn't know cause he had shoes on. Und me, I granulated from der collogd, I took up Physical Torture und learned to be a stenographer, I chust got a find job in a liverary stable taking dots for der horses. Louid Krutz vas sick und der doctor he told him to take something. He took Ikey Cohen's watch und got undressted. Lena vent out to milk der cow und it kicked her in de back yard und gave her milk mit a punch in it. Ye haf more veador here den ve haf ever had last. Dey chust performed an operation on Mrs. Offenback between de dining room und der kitchen but she died between eieht o' clock. More people are dying vot nefer died before. I vish very much dot ve vere closer apart. I am lonesome since our separation together. Your brudder Oscar iss getting along fine mit der small pox und he hopes that you are the same. Hoping that you write us as soon as I did. My remains are yours, Kelly P.S. I vos going to send der fife dollars vot I ows you but I have closed this letter so I can't put it in. P.S. (again) If you don't get diss letter let me know den I will write unudder vun.