CLASSIFICATION OF TELEPHONE CONVERSATIONALISTS The world classifies insanity eases; likewise, does it classify guniess; it classifies automobiles, society, sardines, and colleges. But never before has it classified telephone conversationalists. First, there is the type that talks like a telegram. He calls his wife. The conversation runs something like this: "Mary? John Won't be home till late, lodge. Okay Send dress suit to cleaners. No, I won't." Of course there is the kind that is quite contrary to the first, who with a French phone on an extention wire, can lie in bed or relax in the tub and talk for hours . Her conversation is pointless. She talks to pass the time away. ''Hello, darling. How are you? That's wonderful. What are you doing? How ambitious! O, but I'm keeping you from your work. Well I shan't keep you Iong?. I have the most divine new hat, really it's too, too ducky. What? (The girl with strategy got a word in edge wise) O, the color, British tan. I have a date with Tom tonight. I'll try it on him. On second thought, I hadn't better. British Tan won't go so very well with the color of his car or will it? Incidently, I saw the most exquisite movie. I'll tell you about it." etc. etc. The other girl tolerates this most dreaded telephone addict merely for the sake of Emily post and suffers not only from boredom, but from fatigue. (Her telephone is attatched to the wall at the convienent heigth of four feet seven inches; consequently, she has been and has taken about all she can stand . Type three answers the "phone" and. fairly shatters one's ear drums. "Hullo, who is this? Ann. Oh, hello Ann. What yuh want? Yuh want Mary? Oh, well, Mary who? Oh, yuh want Mary Farre11; what for- Oh to talk to. Oh. Well, this ain't Farrell's . Yuh got the wrong number and she ain't here." Then there's the romantic type. Their conversation seldom makes sense to the "eaves dropper". "Hello, oh, hello, clear. Do you Goody, goody. You're a darliner. Tonight? uh-huh. Think you can find the way? (giggle giggle ) uh-hnh, You won't forget? uh-huh. (more' giggle) uh-huh. I'll be waiting." Last but not least comes the ideal. She uses the phone only when she wishes to deliver a message, to make an inquiry, and to spread a little cheer. Her voice is rather low and well modulated. She uses correct English and good enunciation; consequently she is easy to under¬stand . Her conversations are "Lone- enough to cover the subject and short enough to be interesting." L. C. (a junior) I TO THE RAin Tuck seeds into soft, brown earth; Combine man with God. Do your duty, drops of water. Make rich a gracious sod. Ruth Myers